The End Of This Blog

So I know I started First Steps a few months back but lately life had become so hectic that I could barely keep up a blog. Here's why.

On September 17th, I participated in a contest where you're supposed to submit idea for a TV show. All you had to do was write five sentences about your idea and if they like the idea, they will call you and give you RM 3 000 but with the condition that you will present the idea to them. I sent in two ideas. Barely any thinking was involved. Within 5 minutes, I sent in both ideas. I could barely remember what the titles were. I saw the ad for the contest once only on TV3 btw. I don't even normally watch TV3. LOL.



On the first week of October, I was asked to emcee this Hari Raya event which would be attended by the Malaysian Ambassador and the managers of Mitco Japan (a Petronas branch in Japan) and other Petronas scholars. This was my first time hosting an event with a script so I didn't do very well. I HATE scripts. LOL.



On the second week of October, I found out that I was among the 20 shortlisted people for the TV show idea competition. The best part was when the lady told me the title of my drama, I could not even recognise it. As I thought of the title in a hurry, there were no memories of it. As it turned out I named my drama A Rojak Life.

Excited over the prospect of creating a TV show, my brain went into overdrive and I called Iman to tell her the good news. That day, I had to go teach English to some fellow so during the one hour train ride, I began to scribble down the ideas. Before I knew it, I had the titles of 13 episodes and had the draft of 6 episodes already. On the way back from teaching the fellow, I managed to finish the remaining 7 episodes. Later that night, I began typing the first episode. As I had to present in the second week of November, I knew I only had 1 month to juggle school, script and work. So every night, I worked on one or two episodes. At times, I was so overwhelmed with emotion as some of the scenes in the drama were extremely personal.

On the second week of November, after one week of script writing, one week of falling ill, one week of getting feedback, I headed back to Kuching. As I had RM 3000 just from being chosen as the finalists, I didn't worry that much about the flight cost and stuff.

The funniest thing was that the cheapest ticket back to Kuala Lumpur transited at Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam. Vietnam was a crazy-crazy-crazy place. People were honking left and right without a valid reason. I thought I was a courageous person until I arrived at Ho Chi Minh. I didn't have the guts to cross the road as there were no traffic lights and the vehicles kept moving. Finally, I muster my courage and cross the road with the other Vietnamese. I thought to myself even if I die, at least I have company to heaven. Or maybe we'll accompany each other half way until the junction to either heaven or hell. And if I don't die and do get involved in an accident, at least I have someone to chat with in the ambulance. LOL.

So anyways, after Vietnam, I went to KL then back to Kuching. In Kuching, I began my hunt for the clothes that I was going to wear to the presentation. I had a specific idea in my head what I wanted to wear. A sweater on a long sleeve shirt with jeans. Looking for the sweater was difficult as while that fashion is currently the trend in Japan and US, it's still not that popular in Malaysia. I finally found an Emilio Valentino sweater though. I also found a backpack that I liked.

Knowing that a script with 13 episodes wasn't enough, I knew I had to come up with a teaser. I was however, extremely realistic and didn't want to be too ambitious. I finally managed to come up with an idea that was do-able and wouldn't be too time consuming. I finally came up with the idea of just focusing on the different aspects of Daniel's life and how he struggles to stay true to his identity. within three days, I managed to come up with two posters and one teaser. The teaser took almost 100 takes as my cousins (aged 11 to 15) could not stop laughing. Sigh...never leave a job meant for pro to amateurs..lol...







November 13th, I was supposed to arrive at 0001 am but thanks to the efficiency of Air Asia, I arrived at 0101. The best part was when I reached my hotel I had fever and was hallucinating already. And I still have to figure out what I was going to say in 9 hours time. After taking a short three hour nap, I woke up still dizzy and stuff. I had to prepare the handouts and stuff so it took me a good two hours. When I arrived at the hotel which was freaking freezing cold, I was surprised to see that the people there were extremely interesting. None of them were shy and all of them, had a solid idea. Shivering in cold, I drank lots of coffee and tried to thought out the script.

By the time it was my turn though, the script completely went out the window and I presented from my heart instead. Hehehehe..that has to be one of the most cliche sentences ever...I went overtime..No, that's not accurate. I ran two laps past the clock, instead of presenting for 5 minutes, I presented for 10 minutes. I thought to myself, crap. There goes my chance. But at least I still had the RM 3k.

Remaining November, while waiting for the result, I continued to work at the Malaysian restaurant ( I quit the post office job). After working there for a month, I was promoted to become hall chief in November. Being the youngest person there, people found it difficult to take me seriously. And some of the more experienced workers were annoyed at me being promoted but it's not my fault they never bother to learn the management stuffs. I took initiatives and my actions paid off. I however, began to change my method with them. I tried the inspiring them to work method. It worked. If you want them to do the job, do it yourself, get down and dirty and show them that they are not working for you, but working with you. Damn, those cliche sayings are actually true.

Early December, the drama class I took began practicing full swing for the year end drama that would be performed in front of a live audience. We were practicing for about 3 to 4 hours everyday. The teacher chose California Suite by Neil Simon and I played Billy while this other Chinese foreing student played Hannah in the first scene. I was also responsible for the brochure, invitation card and also, sound effect. After months of intensive practice, finally a week before the play, posters were put up around campus.

On the actual day of the drama, we had about 30 audience on the first day and about 40 audienec on the second day. Everythign went smoothly and after the play on the second day, which was the last day, we went for a drink.

Third week of December, I dont't know how but somehow I ended up being responsible for organising a year end party for the foreign language lounge members at my university. Never planned a party before, I began to freak out but luckily one of the Japanese girls who was studying Bristol but was coming back to Japan for the holiday, assured me everything was fine. As it turned out, on the actual day itself everything was indeed fine. We had a first party (一次会）at a Japanese restaurant. Then we had a second party at 10 pm at a British Pub. Then we had a third party at 11 at a Japanese karaoke. One of the Japanese fellow could not catch the last train back so he stayed over at my place.



The day after the party which was yesterday, the result for the Big Idea (the tv show idea) contest was announced in a ceremony in Sri Pentas, Kuala Lumpur. I could not go so instead Nadiah's mother went on my behalf. I was told by the organiser, Zher Peen to prepare a webcam if possible, just in case I won, which I thought was unlikely. I bought one that morning anyway. The ceremony started at 10 am. At that time, I was eating instant noodles while watching Friends' bloopers on YouTube.

After 1 hour, I still have not received any call so I immediately assumed that I lost. However, just as I finished my noodle, Ina Mora (a person who I don't know) messaged me on Skype and asked me to call Zher Peen. I called Zher Peen and she passed me on to Nadiah's mother. I FREAKING WON THE DAMN THING!! I WON RM 20 K !!! What the fuck ( i use fuck only on big occasions) !!! At least two television stations were interested. WOAAAA!! They interviewed me live through Skype. We had some technical (actualy a lot of technical problems) at first but eventually we got the conversation going. I immediately told all those friends who believed in my crazy idea and thanked them. Iman, Nadiah, Yin Nin, Ihsan, Muz (could not contact you lha...you were in UK) thanks man.

I don't know if I will be involved in the development of the drama series but I sure hope I will be. Anyways, this coming Saturday, I'll have to host this grand Malaysian night with Iman so I am pretty nervous cause I haven't figure out what to say yet. With all this going on in my life, I don't think I have time to blog anymore.

In 2009, I will write at least one more script and will try and produce the music I wrote. I also plan to quit my job and change to something different for the sake of experience. I also want to apply to be on the Amazing Race Asia and lots more. I'll also want to visit Manila and Jakarta (which I will in February and March), Yangon, Brunei, Phnom Penh and Laos as well. With that, I would have stepped foot on all Southeast Asean countries except for East Timor.

Crap, 2009 is going to be the year, I'll be slammed in the face by many doors, but at the same time, I hope, I sincerely do, that at least some of the things I plan will come true. To come to think of it, this time last year, I was feeling down when I found out that I had an elder sister that was given up for adoption. But I moved on and I made the best out of what I had. Thanks to all those who have been very supportive and I hope you'll hear more about me in future. Alrighty, with that, this is the end of this blog.

Thanks guys. Bye.

Sincerely Naza / Nicky

First steps S01E04 : Circumcision / かつれい

September 22nd, Monday (Afternoon)

After returning from the cyber cafe, where I spent the night as it was raining way too heavily to walk back home, I was all worn out and extremely tired. I had to get going in three hours time, so in Naza style, I took an hour nap which turned out to be a two hour nap. After I woke up, I proceeded to take a free shower at a nearby dormitory as my water supply has not been reconnected yet. The little things in life that you take for granted...sigh....

Anyways, after a nice shower, I went to school to meet Lily to practice our script for the drama camp we were having today and tomorrow. After about an hour of practice, we went to the university's K2 House which is located half an hour away. It's sort of like a summer house where students get to stay the night to practice for events and what not. There were 9 of us, that attended the drama camp. Six boys and three girls, including one teacher. The boys bunked in two separate rooms, divided by age. The older boys who were in their fourth year and the the younger boys, me included who were in their second year. The girls bunked in one room while the teacher had a room all to herself.

Personally, I enjoyed camps like this cause you get to socialise outside of the classroom but the main problem I kept having in such camps, is that language is constantly a barrier especially when you're talking about things outside of class where the vocabulary is so random. Most of the time when the Japanese joke, all I could do was smile and pretend I know the joke. It definitely takes a toll on your self esteem but I guess that is what most people go through when they are communicating in their second ( in my case, fourth or fifth) language. Wouldn't it be nice if all of us were to be programmed like a computer where we can just insert a chip and we'll be able to communicate fluently in a foreign language. Lol..wishful thinking I guess...

Anyways, after 6 long hours of script rehearsal (we're performing the play on December 18th and 19th in front of a large audience (when large, I mean 30 to 40), the play was written by Neil Simon and it's entitled California suite), where for the first time in my life, the teacher actually taught the students how to swear properly (??), we went for dinner. At dinner, like always, I'm blur when it comes to half the topic of conversations but I held strong although half of me is dying to go back home and curl up in a nice comfy bed. The nice thing about the dinner though was that for the first time, we get to learn something more about each other. Not as a student, but as a person. They asked about my reason for coming to Japan, how I fit in to Japanese society and stuffs. It was nice to have people wanting to know more about you, I would think.

After dinner, we had the infamous 二次会 (which is a custom in Japan, something like an after party) at the K2 house. We played games, talked and laughed. The highlight of the whole party has to be the two hour conversation on circumcision. The Japanese were so interested in the whole Jewish and Muslim circumcision process that they actually spent two hours talking and laughing about it. The girls actually participated actively in the conversation. It felt like for the first time, it didn't matter whether you're a foreigner or Japanese, man or woman, everyone could talk freely without fear of being judged. Even in Malaysia, I never had a conversation on this topic before so it was interesting having to talk about this in what is supposed to be a conservative, traditional Eastern country.

After the after party, all of us went to bed at about 2 am. Before going to bed, me and this other friend from the same faculty talked about travelling to different countries. Hearing his stories on his travel to several countries in Europe made me reminisce about my trip to Bangkok. I began to long for an adventure. So I asked him if he was interested in having a road trip to the southern island of Japan (Fukuoka) and from there we could take a ferry to South Korea. Surprisingly, he was up for it and we decided to carry out the trip in February or March. I am not sure if he rememebered the trip as he was half drunk. LOL. I'll ask him again sometime in December.

The night ended in a high and three days back in Japan, I felt satisfied with what I have accomplished. My water supply will be returning tomorrow and owh before I forget, I got reply from one of the jobs I applied for. It's the one for the Malaysian restaurant. I am expected to have an interview this coming Friday. Hope it goes well cause God knows, I don't want to get back to the post office.

Coming up next :
Job interview reveals something about the job that gets Naza wondering where his moreal boundaries are....

First Steps S01E03 : Shower and Rain

"I am prepared for the prospect of having to fight for my extension contract with the post office. It I had to, I guess I would. But I am still having my fingers crossed"

September 21st, Sunday

I must admit that after arriving in Japan yesterday, life here has been rather lonely. The one good thing that I am looking for is the drama camp I'll be having tomorrow, which happens to be compulsory, which is the only reason why I had to come back to Japan this early instead of spending extra days in Malaysia to celebrate Aidilfitri.

So after my part time job, whilst walking back to my home, I recalled the problem of not having any water to shower so I began to panic. Luckily I remembered this student's dormitory for my university which was located along the way from the train station to my house. I thought that a student dormitory must have at least a shower room. Or more accurately, I was praying that the student dormitory would have a shower room. So I went into the building non chalantly, pretending that I was a resident there, and began my search. First floor, nothing. Second floor, nothing. Third floor, nothing. By this time. hope was dying already. Fourth floor, nothing. But wait, there's a floor directory located near the elevator on the fourth floor. As it turned out, on the basement floor, there is a shower room located next to the gym (wait, they have gym too?!!. I should have stayed there). I went to check it out and true enough, they did have a shower room.

Overwhelmed with joy, I proceeded to the closest 7 eleven shop and bought shampoo, conditioner, soap and tooth paste.

After packing my clothes and towel, I went to the dormitory and showered at the shower room. If I had any doubts that I was in Japan, the doubts were all cleared. After my shower, the moment I went out, I realised I was out of place cause I had towel around my waste. Everyone there was naked. I meant EVERY single person there, except me. And yet, most Japanese have problem expressing their points of view despite having to show everything that is on the outside already. Sigh...

Anyways, after shower, I felt refreshed like a brand new person. Next agenda, sleep.

September 22nd, Monday

So after sleeping for about 10 hours the day before, I woke up at around 6 pm on Sunday. Immediately after that, I called up Lily (she`s from China and she`s my drama partner. Each pair were assigned a script for a play that we were going to perform this November) and asked if she wanted to practice tonight. She said yes, I said yeay, mainly because I was in dire need of some form of social conversation.

At around 10 pm Sunday, we met up at the lounge of her dorm. Our practice was way longer than we anticipated. It took us 4 hours to finish half the script. Most of the time, we were laughing and joking about things that had nothing to do with the script though. So as it was already 2 am, and we had to go to our camp at around noon today, we decided to call it quits and meet around 11 the day after.

On the way back from her dorm to my house, which is a good 20 minutes, rain began to pour. As much as I wanted to shower, that wasn't how I wanted to shower. So desperately needing a place to crash, I went to this 24/7 cyber cafe. In Japan. most of the cyber cafes function as a place for people to read comic books, watch videos and everything else. Drinks are complimentary btw. So since I had time to burn, I began to youtube. Then, I googled random stuffs and checked my email. Then, I began to look for job online.

I decided that this time, I would try and look for more jobs that requires English. The problem though was that I am not a native English speaker thus putting myself at a huge disadvantage. Nonetheless, I tried and applied for almost 20 teaching jobs. Some at kindergarden, some at primary school and some as English conversation partners. However, some time near the end of my search, I found this Malaysian restaurant that is currently hiring staffs. Running out of options, I applied for that as well and fingers crossed, I'll get it.

In the mean time, however, I am prepared for the prospect of having to fight for my extension contract with the post office. It I had to, I guess I would. But I am still having my fingers crossed, that at least I'll have options if any of the jobs I applied for is available.

Coming up next
A job is offered but it comes with a compromise. Is the sacrifice worth it or is it better to stick to the post office job.

First steps S01E02 : The Right or Wrong Post for Me?

"The moment I heard the news, all I could think of was do I really want to continue this job or would I be better off elsewhere. Somewhere where I am less miserable"

September 20th, Saturday

So after having a good four hour sleep, I woke up at around 4p.m to knocks on my door. When I opened my door, I saw three perfect strangers (a man, a woman and a girl in her teens, I am guessing that they are a family) standing outside my door. Most importantly, I realised that I was raining and all I could see was my poor pillows wet and my bed sheet soaked. As it turned out, they knocked to tell me to bring in my pillows and bed sheet. As grateful as I was, there was nothing else I could do. In autumn, it's almost impossible to dry your laundry indoors so I placed my pillows on top of my fridge and could bother less about them.

As I had four hours to waste before going to my part time job at a post office, located 30 minutes away by train, I reminded myself of the changes I promised. One of the changes was to not procrastinate anymore. So UNWILLINGLY, I arranged all the food I brought back from Malaysia which by the way, weights up to a total of 35 kgs. Arranging the food sort of brought me joy to what would have been a stressful day so far (that and probably the some sleep I managed to get) as I got to scheme through the different flavors of instant noodles I brought. It was almost theraupetic. After two hours of cleaning up my room, I sat in my room while staring at the wall, wondering what to do next. As I cannot shower and could not watch TV (cause I don't have one) nor could I cook for dinner (cause no gas), I decided that maybe I should just eat out.

After a quick change of clothes, I went to this tempura shop to have dinner. Ahhh...the few things I missed while I was gone, tempura...Despite the food being absolutely spot on for a good price of RM 24 per bowl, I was still terribly uncomfortable cause I have not showered for one whole day. I never understood how people can go on without showering for days.

Anyways, by the time I finished my food it was already 7 and it was two more hours before my part time job began. In an attempt to waste time, I walked around the area, window shopping and by the time it was an hour before my job starts, I board the train.

My arrival at my baito-saki (Japanese for my work place) was not exactly warmly welcomed. After being absent for the past two months (as I went back to Malaysia), people were shocked to see me. After the initial where have you been conversations, there was that usual awkward silence. This is exaclty why I never liked to take the elevators. You never quite know what to say to the strangers you meet.

Here's a bit of info about my job. I work at a post office where my job were to divide the parcels according to its destinations. I work from 9.45 pm at night to 6.30 am in the morning. I work three days a week, mainly Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. The job itself is not actually that tiring but the social bit is slightly difficult. Being handicapped as you don't speak native Japanese, most of the time, most of the Japanese tend to avoid talking to you. The only few who talked to me were either plain polite or had learnt to speak malay out of interest. I thought of changing my job but the pay was good, probably due to it being late night job and long hours.

However, that night, the guy who spoke a little Malay walked up to me and said that the supervisor had informed him that a letter had been sent to me to inform me that I will be laid off starting October 2008 as I was not around to sign my extension of employment contract. This was a little bit odd to me as I had informed them that I would be back in Malaysia for two months, and if that was unacceptable, they shouldn't have approved it. And if they approved it, then they shouldn't expect me to be around to sign the contract. They should at least wait for my arrival. The guy who spoke a little malay ( as the guy who spoke a little Malay is a little bit mouthful, let's just call him KC, which by the way is his actual nick name), KC, urged me to fight for my rights. He told me to go to the labor union if I had to. I was like...owkieee....I am not sure if I wanted to create that big of a mess...

The moment I heard the news, all I could think of was do I really want to continue this job or would I be better off elsewhere. Somewhere where I am less miserable. I do need the money thought to dig my way out of this financial mess...but would it be worth it if I had to work long hours without any social interaction and be an emotional mess? Hmmm...maybe change is coming to me without me going to it.

Coming up next
Faced with a dilema, I began to seek options. At this point, anything would do. The question, is it really that anything will do?

First Steps S01E01 : Delays and Suspensions

"I was already tired and worn out. I just crashed on my bed and slept on my winter coat. I just have to deal with the rest when I woke up."

September 19th, Friday (1900 hours to 0300hours)

I boarded the flight from Kuching to Kuala Lumpur to wait for my connection flight to Narita, Japan. In the flight, I was psyching myself up for my arrival in Japan. So much that I wanted to do and so much that I wanted to undo. It's time for a breath of fresh air I thought.

However, as life has always been, a curveball was thrown at me even before I arrived in Japan. Upon arrival at KL International Airport at 8.30 p.m., I was told that my flight has been delayed for one and a half hour to 1 a.m. Great, now I have 4 hours and a half to spend in an airport with limited budget. So while strolling up and down that bloody airport, I decided to go back to the information counter for confirmation. When I arrived at the counter, this Indian lady was also asking the counter about the flight and as it turned out, she was on her own. Imagine a poor lady in her 60s having to spend her night at the airport on her own. Since I myself am lonely, it only made sense to wait together.

So as we waited for our flight to depart, I got the opportunity to learn more about her. Apparently, she studied in India and now she is visiting her children who are working in the US. Whilst I only have a 6 hours flight to catch, she will be spending her whole day in a plane. We chatted for quite some time and before we realised it, it was already time to board the flight. Or so we thought.
While waiting at the boarding gate, the worst possible (well maybe not the worst, but the second worst) thing happened. Due to typhoon, the flight was delayed for another two hours. But Malaysia Airlines were kind enough to provide us with refreshment vouchers. However, most of the restaurants in the terminal were closed and those which were still open, had very limited choices. Well, beggars can be choosers I guess.

Eventually, after one and a half hour passed by, we boarded the flight. After strutting for almost 6 hours in the airport, we finally left Kuala Lumpur and headed to Japan. Now that we're back on track, I would like to hit the grounds of Japan running.

September 20th, Saturday (0900 hours to 1200hours)

Upon arrival to Tokyo, I had to take a two hour train to the station nearest to my home. It wasn't that bad though as I only had to change train once and I slept through most of the journey. When I arrived at the station nearest to home, I was too damn tired to walk with my two bags home so I took the taxi. That turned out to be a pretty bad idea, cause while I was lifting my bag up to put in the back of the taxi, the handle broke. Sigh...at least, I am almost home, I thought to myself.

After a few minutes of taxi ride, I finally arrived home. I felt a huge relief but that was of course, before I walked in through the door. When I entered home, I wanted to cry. If I could, I would have cried a river. First, my water supply has been temporarily suspended. Secondly, my gas supply was also suspended. Third, my internet service has been temporarily suspended. And fourth, for some reason, fungi were growing on my bed sheets and my pillow cases. I took a deep breath, and called up the waterworks and the internet service provider. As it turned out, it doesn't how advanced Japan is, if it's saturday, it's saturday. I won't be able to get my service back until monday. As for my bed sheets and pillow cases, I placed them in the laundry basket. However, my pillows also smelled funny and there were no chance in hell, I would be able to sleep on it so the only thing left to do was to put all of them out to dry.

As fatigue began to take its toll, I could barely do anything anymore. I had not slept on a real bed for the past 36 hours. I was already tired and worn out. I just crashed on my bed and slept on my winter coat. I just have to deal with the rest when I woke up.

Coming up next:
Saturday's ain't over as problems kept popping up..but with every problem, there is usually a silver lining...usually

First Steps S01E00 : Twenty One Years Ago

Twenty years ago, a boy was born. He came into the world with nothing in his hands and he had nothing to lose but his life. Along the road, he walked, he crawled and he learnt about things out of curiosity. However, more importantly, along the road, he changed. At first, he changed to become like his parents. He spoke the words his parents spoke and he ate the food his parents ate. Eventually, he changed some more to fit into society. He wore the clothes the societies thought were acceptable and he did the things the society thought was morally justified.

But, it was not long before he realised that living a world as a fish among fishes had no meaning. It gave him no satisfaction and his life became mundane. And so, as time pass by, he eventually change to become himself, in other words, different, or to use a better word, special. He changed to become special. He attained a new identity. He was no longer a fish. Nor is he a shark. He is himself.

However, things are slightly different from 21 years ago. 21 years ago, he could change and not lose a single thing. 21 years ago, every change is a gain. But now, each change has its price. Each change comes with its own sets of losses and gains. With every change of career, is a change of income and stability. How much is he willing to lose to gain the changes he desires?

My mother used to say a person cannot change who he is. I used to answer back to her, that if that is the case, this world has no hope and I refuse to believe that you are right. And this is me, doing all I can to prove the sceptics wrong.

There are no books in this world that says that a person must stay the same 24 / 7. Life is filled with ups and downs and with each ups and downs, you are supposed to learn something new and become a better person. God has plans for us and until we uncover what that plan is, I would want to equip myself with all things possible. That includes, health, knowledge, conscience, dignity and friends. And I hope you will too.

The following posts will follow the life of this boy as he learns the things he can and cannot change. This following posts will be the things I would look back in many years time. Hopefully, when that day comes, I can read back and feel proud of the things I did right and not regret every little mistake I did wrong.

So here I am. May 2009 be the begining of the many changes I would bring to my life.

New Look...New Posts...

it's been a while since i last posted anything on my blog.

after few months gone, i'm happy to announce that this blog will be back with more new posts by October 2008. i'll try and blog regularly and as you may have noticed, there will be some minor changes to the blog.

anyways, let's make the remaining months of 2008 the best months of 2008.

sincerely
naza

Songs On My Ipod Playlist Now

It's been a while since I blogged about any song at all. So instead of giving a long introduction for the songs that I am listening to, I guess it would be easier just to post my playlist here.

almost here / Brian McFadden and Delta Goodrem
ain't no party / Orson
baby goodbye / Friday Hill
bang on the piano / Jack McManus
believe me / Fort Minor
better in time / Leona Lewis
bleeding love / Leona Lewis
breaking free / Zac Efron and Vanessa Anne Hudgens
breathe in / Lucie Silvas
can't speak french / Girls Aloud
chick fit / All Saints
denial / Sugababes
footprints in the sand / Leona Lewis
four minutes / Madonna featuring Justin Timberlake and Timbaland
hero heroine / Boys Like Girls
high / James Blunt
hope / Jack Johnson
how to save a life / The Fray
i'm yours / Jason Mraz
innocent / Our Lady Peace
is it you / Cassie
leavin' / Jesse Mccartney
like only a woman can / Brian McFadden
lost / Michael Buble
love in this club / Usher featuring Young Jeezy
mercy / Duffy
merry happy / Kate Nash
move on / David Jordan
never gonna dance again / Sugababes
next to me / Shayne Ward
no air / Jordan Sparks featuring Chris Brown
nude / Radiohead
one love / Blue
piece of me / Britney Spears
pocketful of sunshine / Natasha Bedingfield
scream / Timbaland feat Nicole Schwerzinger and someone
seasons of love / Rent Soundtrack
stop and stare / One Republic
sundress / Ben Kweller
superstar / Lupe Fiasco
that's not my name / The Ting Tings
the last goodbye / Atomic Kitten
the way that i love you / Ashanti
things that never cross a man's mind / Kellie Pickler
touch my body / Mariah Carey
we weren't crazy / Josh Gracin
your love is a lie / Simple Plan

some of the songs are available on the playlist below. feel free to have a listen.

Turning 2.1 Series Finale of Turning 2.0

So here it goes. This will be a very short series finale. After blogging for a year or so, this blog is finally coming to an end. Well, maybe not the whole blog but this series itself. So basically I just celebrated my 21st birthday and in a way, the day started off and almost ended in a way that wasn`t me at all.

I am not at all the festive guy, the guy who wants his birthday to be celebrated in a big way, in other words in a lame way. However, unfortunate for me, the Chinese culture (or at least my family said so) requires the 21st birthday to be celebrated grandly. Sigh...so my mum threw this birthday party for me. I tried to suggest switching the traditional birthday cake with pancakes (to be precise 21 pieces of pancakes) but she rejected it. So the birthday proceeded according to her plan. To be honest, the only thing I was looking forward to was the end of the party. I did appreciate the guests who came though. People I care about and love.

So right after the dinner party, I decided to go to my cousin`s house to play monopoly. Something I was looking forward to, funnily enough. So on the way there, I hit a hole and my tyre got punctured. Now, under normal circumstances, this is supposed to be bad thing but for me, it was amazing. I never had to experience a punctured tyre before so it was my first.

The only problem was I didnt know what to do so I called...my mum. My mum said she would be there in half an hour. So while waiting, I decided to play around with the tools. Attempt no 1, I think I damaged the door of the car. Attempt no 2, I think I may have damaged the engine of the car. Attempt no 3, I think I may have damaged the engine further. Attempt no 4, could not get to attempt no 4 cause my mum arrived. A huge bummer. My step dad came a long as well and he replaced the punctured tyre. To be honest with you, that is the closest to a father and son relationship as I will have with that guy. And it was a good experience. I learnt a new thing. How to change a tyre. And it felt good.

So basically, although it may not be typical, the series finale of turning 2.0 is about a punctured tyre. What is there to do after this post? Start a new post. Yeah, definitely. So from the next post onwards, it would be of random topics. Maybe about losing weight, gaining weight, learning to act, learning to dance, learning to talk slower or anything like that. So until then, see ya. Tata. Bye bye. Sayonara. Hmm...再見.

If Tomorow Never Comes (Ronan Keating)

There's been several reasons why I decided not to blog for the past few months...let's look into the reasons one at a time.




THE FIRST REASON

I've been blogging all these while almost certain that the few chapters I blogged about will be the only few things worth blogging about my life. I was so certain that by Chapter 11, everything would have come to an end. I guess I thought wrong. After Chapter 7, I discovered something new about my life. More accurately about the past before my birth. But as I have yet learn the best way to deal with this, I shall leave this out of my blog. Instead, I would just deal with it sometime later in my life. But the one thing I can say about this whole situation is that I am blessed that I lead a slightly more interesting life than others with my own ordeals to deal with. I've grown a lot but I think that for the moment I need to go through these growths on my own before I get to blog about them. Who knows maybe there will be a Season 3.1 when I turn 31. LOL.


THE SECOND REASON
I've been swamped with things to do ever since I came back to Kuching a month ago. On top of my every day running around doing chores, I also had to plan a supposedly 12 day trip to Singapore and Bangkok. I will blog about that further down the line, which is supposed to premiere around next week. Right before my birthday....Hehehe presents please, friends.

With that said, here are all of the other chapters for Turning 2.0 except for the last two chapters which should premier around next week. Right before my birthday...Yeap, ur not experiencing deja vu. I am desperately trying to remind you my birthday is next week. Till then, see ya.

Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 8 : Leaving On A Jet Plan (Chantal What's-Her-Name)

Previously:
After the trip back to Kuching ended with an odd handshake, Naza (which means me) struggle to get my senses back. This was supposed to be posted a long time ago..so my apologies. Back to Turning 2.0.

"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"



After one of the most stupid moments in my life, I could not help but to feel like a complete moron. As I walked towards my plane, all I could say to myself was stupid, stupid, stupid. I could not believe I just bid farewell to Caitlyn by shaking her hand. I might as well typed out a certificate that said “Goodbye, farewell” or give her a postcard that said “Best of luck”. To come to think of it, those two ideas would have been more appropriate than a hand shake.

The flight from Kuching to Kuala Lumpur

Departing at the new Kuching airport, it began to hit me on how my trip back to Kuching ended up to be everything I didn’t expect it to be but somehow it still felt wonderful. I didn’t expect to start something with Caitlyn when I came back. I did expect to start a relationship but what I had in mind was a relationship with my real father’s family. Something that I did not manage to accomplish. I didn’t expect to meet Jerry and Azeezul and hang out with them every night, but I’m glad that it did happen. I certainly did not expect to gain 5kg cause my cousin told me were going jogging every morning. The 5kg happened but the jogging never once occurred. However, in the flight from Kuching to Kuala Lumpur, I knew that somehow, I managed to accomplish something this time around. I guessed I did achieve some personal growth.

As the flight took off, I still couldn’t get over the foolish hand shake. Stupid, stupid me.

As I arrived at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport, my eyes wondered around for Ihsan and Iman. We were supposed to be on the same flight. Since it was way too early, I decided to go and grab a bite. Oddly enough, I was not hungry at all. Nothing seemed to be appetizing. At that point, I could have swore that an alien has invaded my body. I didn’t feel hungry which could only mean one thing. I was not myself. How can Naza be not hungry? That just didn’t make any sense. I finally forced myself to chow down a McDonald’s beef burger trying to shoo the alien out.

As I walked around the airport, I couldn’t see anything that was interesting. There was nothing that I wanted to buy. Instead, I spent about half an hour sliding my way from one end of the airport to the other. Then it finally hit me, I need to call my family.

I called my mother first. I told her I arrived at Kuala Lumpur International Airport already and that I was waiting for Ihsan and Iman. She told me that my brother had been crying since he reached home. Ah……..my brother had finally grown up. He had become an adult. The art of not showing your emotion in front of others had been mastered. Sigh. My mother put my brother on the line and I talked to him for about a few minutes. After a while, he stopped sobbing. Then I talked to my sister. She seemed to be dealing with the whole departure better than my brother. Next person I called was Caitlyn. After the odd goodbye, the conversation was awkward. I said something and she said something. Words were exchanged but the only thing that was still lingering my mind was the stupid hand shake. Stupid, stupid me.

As my flight was about to board, I said my goodbye and went to the departure gate. Still no signs of Iman and Ihsan. Where the hell are they, I said to myself.

The flight from Kuala Lumpur to Narita International Airport

After boarding the plane, I anxiously waited for the departure. As I sat in the plane, my eyes still wondered around for Ihsan and Iman. While looking for them, a thought finally hit me. I could not believe that I was going back to Japan and would be starting my second semester in university. Before I went back to Malaysia, I promised myself one thing. And that was I was going to have enough rest this whole summer back at my home town and by the time I returned to Japan, I would be ready to go to take the university by storm. I was determined to make the best out of my second semester.

The flight has been delayed for slightly 20 minutes. Apparently one of the passengers had not got on the flight. I was becoming more and more worried. Could it be that Iman or Ihsan missed the flight? My eyes began to wonder around even more. I finally caught a glimpse of Ihsan. He was also looking around. Could this mean that Iman missed the flight, I thought to myself. I was becoming more and more uneasy. Finally, I had enough and decided to get off my seat. I decided to go and ask Ihsan personally whether he had seen Iman or not. Something I should have done a long time ago since I boarded the flight. I went over and noticed his eyes were shut. In order to get his attention, I did what any sane man would do. I pinched his nose. He seemed slightly annoyed but what can I say, I was doing what anyone would expect Naza to do. LOL. I asked him about Iman and he said that Iman was sitting behind.

Feeling much more relaxed, I returned to my seat. The passenger who was late finally arrived and the flight could finally take off. As the flight took off, my mind started to wonder off. I was looking forward to my return to Japan. More importantly, I was looking forward to my return to prominence.

Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 9 : Rootless Tree (Damien Rice)

"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"



4th October 2007

I went to bed with my eyes closed but my mind wide open. Just when I thought the rollercoaster had finally come to a stop, off it went again. I was so tired. I was so tired of the whole thing already.　I just want to sleep through it. I just want to forget about the whole thing and pray that when I wake up, this was all just a nightmare.

Earlier In the Day

Gosh, it was so hard to believe I’ve already been back to Japan for two weeks. With a new set of determination, I intended to make the best of things. I gave a smile to each and every person that crossed my path. I even tried to talk to the perfect stranger who was sitting in one or two of the lectures I took. The fresh enthusiasm was working out perfect for me. Everything seemed so much more amazing and pretty when you’re optimistic.

So right after my last class, I happily walked to the E-Lounge, a place where all Keio University students, staffs and lecturers are allowed to sit down and talk about anything in English. The guy who was responsible for the place was a nice character. He is an African American lecturer for the literature department. I went there regularly to enjoy a good conversation or just to meet new people. That day, I went there with the same old me.

After sitting there for about half an hour, I received a phone call. It was from my cousin. That was very odd because my cousin never called me from Malaysia before during that hour of the day. I picked up the phone and my cousin told me that my grandfather was suffering from a stroke. The news caught me by surprise but I thought well, my grandfather was an old man and things like these were bound to happen sooner or later. I decided not to let the news have the best of me cause I still had to attend a birthday dinner later at night.

After the birthday dinner, while walking back from the station to my home, I called my cousin again to check up on my grandfather. This time, I finally realized that it might no longer be a false alarm. My cousin told me that my grandfather had become senile and that he was mumbling things that no one could understand. To make matters worse, one of the monks (or someone similar to his ranks) told my family that my grandfather was standing on the top of a bridge and was ready to jump. This is a metaphor of course. There’s no actual river near my house. He said that it was all up to him now and that there was nothing else anyone could do to save my grandfather. My mind was too distracted by the fact that my grandfather might be kicking the bucket to be paying attention to all the mumbo jumbo. My cousin had to hang up all of a sudden. I was worried. I finally understood the magnitude of the situation.

Upon arriving home, I called my mother again. This time, she told me that my cousin was busy attending to his mother, my aunt as she had fainted. I could hear many voices in the background. My mum told me that every one had gathered to see my grandfather at my aunt’s house. As I spoke to my mum, I could hear the sadness in her voice. It was heartbreaking to hear her so sad. She might not have the best relationship with my grandfather for a very long time but I could tell that she had always cared about him.

To come to think of it, maybe there were many signs that were trying to hint me. When I returned back to Kuching, my grandfather was awfully cheerful. He was beaming from ear to ear. I drove him out twice with my cousin and my brother to go and buy things. Both times, he was happy and when we went to lunch, he was extremely nice to my brother. You may think it has got to be common for a grandfather to be nice to his grandchildren. Well, that wasn’t the case with my grandfather. Because of my stepfather, my grandfather had always been partial when it came to my brother and sister. It was obvious that he didn’t like them very much. But this time around, he was different. He was nice to him. And then there was one more thing. Right after I left Kuching, my grandfather called my mother over and said very nice things to her. It seemed like he, himself knew about this day already.

As I remembered all the good things that my grandfather did for me, I began to feel guilty for despising him all these years. For many years, I blamed him for treating my siblings poorly. For many years, I blamed him for the way he treated my mother. But for many years, I kept forgetting that he always cared and tried to be there for me. He was the one who always asked if my stepfather was being nice to me. He was the one who was always there when I grew up. I began to realize how big of hypocrite I became. I preached about forgiveness but I never forgave. I never forgave until that day. The day I finally realized that when I woke up the next day, he might not be around anymore. And the worse thing, I could not even be there when he bid his last farewell.


I went to bed with my eyes closed but my mind wide open. Just when I thought the rollercoaster had finally come to a stop, off I went again. I was so tired. I was so tired of the whole thing already. I felt so helpless. I just want to sleep through it. I just want to forget about the whole thing and pray that when I wake up, this was all just a nightmare. I went to bed praying that when I woke up the next day and call my mum, she would tell me that my grandfather is still around and still living and kicking. Hopefully.

(to be continued)

Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 10 : Torn (Natalie Imbruglia)

"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"



I woke up that day feeling like a complete wreck. Was terrified to death about the news that I might have to face. There was no time to find out about the news yet though. I was already late for class. After taking a quick (more like 20 minutes) bath, I rushed to school which was 10 minutes away. However, since my stomach was terribly hungry, I stopped by 7/11 to grab a bite first. After that, I was on the run again.

During class, I had this urge to tell people about how I was truly feeling on the inside. I felt like pouring my heart out to someone. It was a good thing I did had an opportunity to tell Cait and Ihsan about my grandfather the night before though. Or else, I would have more bottled up that day. It is always nice to have someone you can talk to as it is never healthy to keep everything inside. At one point, those things may become toxic. Although I talked to Cait and Ihsan last night, I still felt the need to tell someone else. I decided to hold to urge cause I did not know what might have happened to my grandfather just yet. Heck, I didn’t even know if he is alive or dead.

Throughout the whole day, I decided to tell no one. I laughed and joked like every other day. Part of me felt like the only reason I did not want to tell anyone at school yet was because the information had yet sunk in completely. Part of me still refused to admit what might have happened. At one point, I felt better not knowing the truth. But I knew sooner or later, I would have to face up to it. Sooner or later, I would have to call my mum. I decided to call them later at night. I needed some more time to prepare myself for the worse.

After class, I decided to go to the E-Lounge. I sat there and chatted for about an hour or so. By then, I could not bare not knowing anymore. I thought I could wait until later at night but through was I could not anymore. Good news or bad news, I rather hear it then than later. I made the phone call to my mother. It was difficult pressing those digits.

I realized that if this was a real drama, the answer that I would get from my
mother would be that my grandfather had finally passed away and I would break down and cry. That would be a perfect ending for a drama that had lasted a year. It all started off with me knowing about my real father and ended with the death of my grandfather. But at the same time, I prayed that this would be a fairytale ending. I hoped that for once in my life, there could be some bright skies and rainbows in my life. I was hoping that the amazing time that I had in August would last until the end of my life.

Whatever the news was, I knew that I was ready to bear it. I told myself over and over again that whatever that might happened was destined by God and that there would blessings in disguise. I told myself that throughout this whole rollercoaster ride, I have become a stronger man than I was a few years back then. As I anticipated my mother to pick up the phone, I was prepared. I was emotionally prepared.

My mother answered the phone. She sounded calm and collected. I could hear my aunt in the background talking. I asked my mum about grandpa. She said that I could stop worrying as he had become better overnight. They were all at my grandpa’s house. I spoke to my aunt and asked if she was okay. She sounded better. I felt somewhat relieved. I guess it was not my grandpa’s time to go yet.

21st November 2007

A month plus had passed since my grandfather’s false alarm. I am truly grateful that my grandfather’s still alive. But the situation’s not over yet. Ever since that day, my grandpa’s condition has been unstable. Sometimes he is fine and sometimes he is not. We all feel like we’re just playing the waiting game now.

I guess the one thing that makes me feel torn the most is the feeling of helplessness. At the end of the day, my mother as a daughter has the responsibility of caring for my grandfather. She’s been caring for my grandfather in the morning while going to work at night. I feel like a terrible son at times for allowing her to go through that. Even my brother and sister are chipping in while I am in Japan.

Right before I wrote this blog, I called my mum. She explained to me about her situation now and all I could say to her was that in three years time, right after I graduate, things will become better. I would have a stable salary and I could finally share her burden. I really hope that’s true because I think she’s worked hard enough all of these years. I told her to tell my grandpa that I might be back for Chinese New Year this year. Hopefully with that little piece of info, grandpa would fight harder and could at least last one more Chinese New Year. What my family doesn’t know is that it is not a possibility that I might be back during Chinese New Year. Instead, it is a definite thing. I am going back this February. This will be the first Chinese New Year I have with my family since 2005.

Can’t wait.

Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 7 : Baby Goodbye (Friday Hill)

Previously:
I came back to Kuching and volunteered for about two months in my old high school. To be honest with you, I am not sure how much of that was volunteering as I felt more like a nuissance. LOL. Then I went to hunt for my biological family but to no avail. The one good thing that happened was that I finally hooked up with Caitlyn. However, the joy did not last long. The story continues.

"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"

Kuching
September 21st.



A day before my departure. Time passed by me so quickly that I barely noticed the two months that flew before my very own eyes. It felt like it was just yesterday I returned to my home. It felt like it was just last night I crashed in my very own bed. I seemed like it was just a few moments ago I was lying down beside my brother, laughing while tickling him.

Today, I had two final errands to run. The first, driving my brother to his primary school to ask about the procedure of changing schools. My mother wanted my brother to change to a Malay language medium school. She felt guilty for putting my brother through 5 years of hell as my brother had always been weak in Chinese. She wanted me to register him into my alma mater, my previous school. At first I was stubborn. I felt like if he were to transfer school and register in St Joseph, my alma mater, he would have difficulty fitting in as he must start Year 1 immediately. If he were to go to Batu Lintang, the school that he might enter, he would not have to enter Year 1 immediately. Instead, he would get a year of Transition Class where he could learn English and Malay again. My mother, however, felt like he would be wasting a year. After arguing this over and over again, I bet you guys know the outcome already.

My mum won as she played the mum card, a card that the son card can never triumph. So unfair. So as I drove my brother to the primary school, he seemed to be sad. He seemed to be depressed. After a while of trying to find out the reason, I finally realized that he didn’t want to change school. When I asked him if that was the cause, he said yes. I asked him why. His answer is a very simple two word answer. An answer I could understand very well. He told me the reason why he didn’t want to change school was because of his friends. If he were to change school, he would never see them again. After having friends like Dominic, Muz, Ihsan and Jerry, I knew how that felt. I agree with the whole stepping out of your comfort zone concept but the question is when the right time is to step out. My gut feeling told me that it was too soon.

I told my brother that I would just go and ask because my mum wanted me to but I will not push him to change school and that the choice is all up to him because I would tell my mum that it was difficult to change school. Something that is true but at least if my mum were to hear it from me, she would stop pushing for my brother to change schools. My brother went along with the plan.

After going to his primary school, we went to my uncle’s workshop. We sat there for a while before we went to service the family car. After that, we went home.

Kuching
September 22nd

That was the day of departure. Right before that day, my brother and my sister had been asking if I could change my return flight. They asked if I could change it to a later day. I said I could not. The truth is I could but I did not want to. Changing the date of return to Japan would only prolong their misery. Sometimes the faster you say goodbye, the better it is.

On this day, it was a completely family day. I spent the whole day going out with family. We went shopping for food that I would bring back to Japan. We went to cut my hair. A move I would forever dread. I never go to any barber my mum recommended cause it usually ended up being a bad decision. But on this day, I thought that since it was my last day of 2007 in Kuching, I would please my mother’s wishes and go. Bad, bad move. My hair ended up real bad. It was cool, IF I had lots of gel to style it. Without those gels, it would look dreadful. Sigh.

So after the barber shop, we went home so that my mum could start cooking my farewell dinner. LOL. It wasn’t anything grand. It was just a simple dinner. As I had to go out to get a few more stuff that I wanted to bring back, I brought my siblings and cousins out with me. It was the last chance we could spend some time together before I depart. After getting the stuffs I wanted, mainly food, I went back home and started packing. The packing process was hilarious as I tried to pack 40 packets of instant noodles, tens of cans of can food and tens of packets of drinks into my bag. Not forgetting my books and clothes. As Caitlyn watched me pack, we both laughed at my packing techniques. I could literally make a whole 30 minutes comedic documentary just with my packing process.

As I stuffed too many things into one of my bags, it got torn. Usually this would be a bad thing, especially if you had a flight that was leaving in 3 hour time, but in this case, it was a blessing in disguise. Because the bag was torn, I got to realize a talent that I never knew my step dad had. He could actually sew. Unbelievable. For a man who is as lazy as him, he could actually sew to save his own life. And also, because the bag was torn, I had no other choice but to go to the airport to check in first. I could not go with my whole family but they would meet at the airport about an hour before my flight left. So after finishing dinner, I went to the airport to check in with Caitlyn. It was an awkward 30 minutes drive to the airport. We said barely anything but somehow we knew what each other were thinking. I guessed goodbye came a little too soon. We both knew it was coming. We just didn’t know it was coming this soon.

Upon arriving at the airport, I checked in and met my cousin who kidnapped my lap top for the whole day to transfer a few of my dramas into his own computer. As we stood at the airport waiting for my family to arrive, we joked. The jokes were lame but we laughed at each and every one of them. If it weren’t so sad, it would have been funny. My family finally arrived. And before I knew it, everyone was standing at the departure gate. I had the bag that my father had sewn on me and all that was left was the goodbye.

With no surprise, my mum poured her heart out. My siblings had grown up and this time around, they were stronger. They did not cry but I could still feel their pain. The one good news though was that I would be back in 4 months time. After hugging each and every one, came one problem. How to say goodbye to Caitlyn? After thinking for a few moments (this is a note to myself: never think things over too much), I came up with the best goodbye. I went to say goodbye to her and I ……….. (this isn’t so what you’re expecting, so be emotionally prepared)………shook her hands.

(to be continued)

Next on Chapter 8 : Leaving on a Jet Plane, which will debut tomorrow.
The continuation of Chapter 7. This time, in KLIA.

Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 6 : Somewhere Out There ( Our Lady Peace )

Previously:
In Turning 2.0 Season 2 Chapter 4, I found out about my real father. In chapter 6, I went to see the school psych for a consult and she convinced me that it is better to live a life with no regrets. A life that I won't spending wondering the what ifs. Thus I made up my mind before coming back to Kuching, Malaysia that I will look for my father's family.

"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"

Kuching
September 2007



I’ve been back for almost a month now. Life has finally settled in. It felt almost like I never left Kuching at all. I was getting a hang of my daily routine. But throughout the whole one month, one thing lingered in my mind. My real father.

Before I came back to Kuching, I knew exactly what I would do. I would look for my real father’s family and try and get to know them better. I had no intention of joining the family. In fact, I didn't mind this being a one time thing. All I wanted to do was to see them and sit down to talk with them once. For once, I wanted to face truth sitting directly in front of me. To be honest with you, I had no idea what I wanted to accomplish out of this whole ordeal. But I knew it deep inside my heart, I needed to this. For myself, at least.

So since coming back to Kuching, I asked my mom about my family. My mum told me that she still had my uncle’s number. So I asked for it. At first she was reluctant to give. She would tell me that she would give me the next day but she never did. I guessed she somehow thought that I would give up after a while. But being her child, she should expect nothing less of me. I kept pasturing her day in and day out. She finally gave in and gave me the number. Like a happy little boy who has just received his balloon, I went out to call my uncle.

As the phone rang, my heart beat faster and faster. With each ring, I could feel a sudden rush of adrenaline. To my dismal, I reached the voice mail. Lucky me, I thought. I tried several times but to no avail. It was not until the third week that I finally got through. A guy with a rough voice answered the phone. I was so excited. With my broken Taiwanese, I told him who I was. I told him whose child I was.

In a typical fairytale, this is the point where the waterworks begin. He will meet up with me and on that day we meet, we will hug each other and cry. However, it was nothing like that. Instead, he said he didn’t know who I was. He said I had the wrong number. I would be lying if I said I was very disappointed. Yes, I was anxious to talk to him but I knew that there was a chance that this would not be one of those fairytale ending you find in story books. I was realistic about it.

So as days passed by, I was getting used to the idea of never having the opportunity to see them again. I wasn’t feeling that bad cause at least I knew I tried. As I continued helping out in my high school, I began to make myself busy in the day. At night, I would go out with Jerry and Azeezul or helped my mother out.

One day, after helping out at the high school, I called Azeezul out to ask him if he would be so kind as to drive me home. My mother needed to use the car that day so after she dropped me off at school, she had to drive the car home and I was left stranded. Azeezul said yes and he came to pick me. We went to eat lunch at Tun Jugah.

On the way to Tun Jugah, I realized that Tun Jugah was near where my real father’s sister used to live. I remembered very clearly cause when I was young, my mum used to drop me there for one whole day to play. At that time, I didn't know that she was my aunt. I just assumed that my mum dropped me off at her friends house.

So after we had lunch, I asked Azeezul if he would follow me to see if my real aunt still lived there. As he drove, I became very quiet. In my mind, I thought of a thousand different scenarios. How would I knock on the door? Should I knock twice or thrice? What should I call them? How would I introduce myself? It was then, that I knocked some senses into my head. What if they moved? After all, it had already been 9 years since I’ve last been there. What if I get too excited just to get my hopes crushed? Whatever it is, I was ready to face it. Or at least, I thought I was ready to face it.

We arrived at the house. The house was located on the second floor of a four floor shop lot. From far away, the house seemed shabby like no one lived there for the past many years. I told myself that it might just be my imagination. Maybe the people were untidy. After all, I must have picked up my lazy genes somewhere. I am not exactly the tidy type.

As I approached the gate of the house, it was rusty. It was an old house. What did I expect? I tried to convince myself that someone still lived there. As I said hello, no one replied. I could hear my voice echo. Maybe no one is home. By the third time I tried to convince myself, I knew that this was futile. But I still tried. Over and over again. After asking around, people told me that that house was vacant for quite some time already. I even called the number of the real estate agent posted on the door of the house. The real estate agent confirmed the information I got from the neighbors.

As we left the house, I felt heartbroken. I didn’t feel this way the first time around when I tried to call my uncle. In fact when the guy pretended or really didn’t know me, my mum gave me words of comfort. She said that maybe my father’s family wanted me to move on. And I believed her. But deep inside my heart, I knew that I still had one more opportunity to meet my real family. And that was through my real aunt. But now that even she had move, I felt like I lost all my chances already. And that I would never meet my real family. Don’t get me wrong. I love my present family. A lot.

But I guessed it was always nice knowing that I had another family that I didn’t know of somewhere out there.

Now, the somewhere out there will forever remain somewhere out there.

Next Week's Chapter 7 : Baby Goodbye ( Friday Hill )
After two months in Kuching, it's finally time to fly back to Japan. Next week, we shall have two chapters back to back. Chapter 7 on Saturday and the continuation, Chapter 8 on Sunday.