In Turning 2.0 Season 2 Chapter 4, I found out about my real father. In chapter 6, I went to see the school psych for a consult and she convinced me that it is better to live a life with no regrets. A life that I won't spending wondering the what ifs. Thus I made up my mind before coming back to Kuching, Malaysia that I will look for my father's family.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
September 2007
I’ve been back for almost a month now. Life has finally settled in. It felt almost like I never left Kuching at all. I was getting a hang of my daily routine. But throughout the whole one month, one thing lingered in my mind. My real father.
Before I came back to Kuching, I knew exactly what I would do. I would look for my real father’s family and try and get to know them better. I had no intention of joining the family. In fact, I didn't mind this being a one time thing. All I wanted to do was to see them and sit down to talk with them once. For once, I wanted to face truth sitting directly in front of me. To be honest with you, I had no idea what I wanted to accomplish out of this whole ordeal. But I knew it deep inside my heart, I needed to this. For myself, at least.
So since coming back to Kuching, I asked my mom about my family. My mum told me that she still had my uncle’s number. So I asked for it. At first she was reluctant to give. She would tell me that she would give me the next day but she never did. I guessed she somehow thought that I would give up after a while. But being her child, she should expect nothing less of me. I kept pasturing her day in and day out. She finally gave in and gave me the number. Like a happy little boy who has just received his balloon, I went out to call my uncle.
As the phone rang, my heart beat faster and faster. With each ring, I could feel a sudden rush of adrenaline. To my dismal, I reached the voice mail. Lucky me, I thought. I tried several times but to no avail. It was not until the third week that I finally got through. A guy with a rough voice answered the phone. I was so excited. With my broken Taiwanese, I told him who I was. I told him whose child I was.
In a typical fairytale, this is the point where the waterworks begin. He will meet up with me and on that day we meet, we will hug each other and cry. However, it was nothing like that. Instead, he said he didn’t know who I was. He said I had the wrong number. I would be lying if I said I was very disappointed. Yes, I was anxious to talk to him but I knew that there was a chance that this would not be one of those fairytale ending you find in story books. I was realistic about it.
So as days passed by, I was getting used to the idea of never having the opportunity to see them again. I wasn’t feeling that bad cause at least I knew I tried. As I continued helping out in my high school, I began to make myself busy in the day. At night, I would go out with Jerry and Azeezul or helped my mother out.
One day, after helping out at the high school, I called Azeezul out to ask him if he would be so kind as to drive me home. My mother needed to use the car that day so after she dropped me off at school, she had to drive the car home and I was left stranded. Azeezul said yes and he came to pick me. We went to eat lunch at Tun Jugah.
On the way to Tun Jugah, I realized that Tun Jugah was near where my real father’s sister used to live. I remembered very clearly cause when I was young, my mum used to drop me there for one whole day to play. At that time, I didn't know that she was my aunt. I just assumed that my mum dropped me off at her friends house.
So after we had lunch, I asked Azeezul if he would follow me to see if my real aunt still lived there. As he drove, I became very quiet. In my mind, I thought of a thousand different scenarios. How would I knock on the door? Should I knock twice or thrice? What should I call them? How would I introduce myself? It was then, that I knocked some senses into my head. What if they moved? After all, it had already been 9 years since I’ve last been there. What if I get too excited just to get my hopes crushed? Whatever it is, I was ready to face it. Or at least, I thought I was ready to face it.
We arrived at the house. The house was located on the second floor of a four floor shop lot. From far away, the house seemed shabby like no one lived there for the past many years. I told myself that it might just be my imagination. Maybe the people were untidy. After all, I must have picked up my lazy genes somewhere. I am not exactly the tidy type.
As I approached the gate of the house, it was rusty. It was an old house. What did I expect? I tried to convince myself that someone still lived there. As I said hello, no one replied. I could hear my voice echo. Maybe no one is home. By the third time I tried to convince myself, I knew that this was futile. But I still tried. Over and over again. After asking around, people told me that that house was vacant for quite some time already. I even called the number of the real estate agent posted on the door of the house. The real estate agent confirmed the information I got from the neighbors.
As we left the house, I felt heartbroken. I didn’t feel this way the first time around when I tried to call my uncle. In fact when the guy pretended or really didn’t know me, my mum gave me words of comfort. She said that maybe my father’s family wanted me to move on. And I believed her. But deep inside my heart, I knew that I still had one more opportunity to meet my real family. And that was through my real aunt. But now that even she had move, I felt like I lost all my chances already. And that I would never meet my real family. Don’t get me wrong. I love my present family. A lot.
But I guessed it was always nice knowing that I had another family that I didn’t know of somewhere out there.
Now, the somewhere out there will forever remain somewhere out there.
Next Week's Chapter 7 : Baby Goodbye ( Friday Hill )
After two months in Kuching, it's finally time to fly back to Japan. Next week, we shall have two chapters back to back. Chapter 7 on Saturday and the continuation, Chapter 8 on Sunday.
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