Previously:
I came back to Kuching and volunteered for about two months in my old high school. To be honest with you, I am not sure how much of that was volunteering as I felt more like a nuissance. LOL. Then I went to hunt for my biological family but to no avail. The one good thing that happened was that I finally hooked up with Caitlyn. However, the joy did not last long. The story continues.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
September 21st.
A day before my departure. Time passed by me so quickly that I barely noticed the two months that flew before my very own eyes. It felt like it was just yesterday I returned to my home. It felt like it was just last night I crashed in my very own bed. I seemed like it was just a few moments ago I was lying down beside my brother, laughing while tickling him.
Today, I had two final errands to run. The first, driving my brother to his primary school to ask about the procedure of changing schools. My mother wanted my brother to change to a Malay language medium school. She felt guilty for putting my brother through 5 years of hell as my brother had always been weak in Chinese. She wanted me to register him into my alma mater, my previous school. At first I was stubborn. I felt like if he were to transfer school and register in St Joseph, my alma mater, he would have difficulty fitting in as he must start Year 1 immediately. If he were to go to Batu Lintang, the school that he might enter, he would not have to enter Year 1 immediately. Instead, he would get a year of Transition Class where he could learn English and Malay again. My mother, however, felt like he would be wasting a year. After arguing this over and over again, I bet you guys know the outcome already.
My mum won as she played the mum card, a card that the son card can never triumph. So unfair. So as I drove my brother to the primary school, he seemed to be sad. He seemed to be depressed. After a while of trying to find out the reason, I finally realized that he didn’t want to change school. When I asked him if that was the cause, he said yes. I asked him why. His answer is a very simple two word answer. An answer I could understand very well. He told me the reason why he didn’t want to change school was because of his friends. If he were to change school, he would never see them again. After having friends like Dominic, Muz, Ihsan and Jerry, I knew how that felt. I agree with the whole stepping out of your comfort zone concept but the question is when the right time is to step out. My gut feeling told me that it was too soon.
I told my brother that I would just go and ask because my mum wanted me to but I will not push him to change school and that the choice is all up to him because I would tell my mum that it was difficult to change school. Something that is true but at least if my mum were to hear it from me, she would stop pushing for my brother to change schools. My brother went along with the plan.
After going to his primary school, we went to my uncle’s workshop. We sat there for a while before we went to service the family car. After that, we went home.
Kuching
September 22nd
That was the day of departure. Right before that day, my brother and my sister had been asking if I could change my return flight. They asked if I could change it to a later day. I said I could not. The truth is I could but I did not want to. Changing the date of return to Japan would only prolong their misery. Sometimes the faster you say goodbye, the better it is.
On this day, it was a completely family day. I spent the whole day going out with family. We went shopping for food that I would bring back to Japan. We went to cut my hair. A move I would forever dread. I never go to any barber my mum recommended cause it usually ended up being a bad decision. But on this day, I thought that since it was my last day of 2007 in Kuching, I would please my mother’s wishes and go. Bad, bad move. My hair ended up real bad. It was cool, IF I had lots of gel to style it. Without those gels, it would look dreadful. Sigh.
So after the barber shop, we went home so that my mum could start cooking my farewell dinner. LOL. It wasn’t anything grand. It was just a simple dinner. As I had to go out to get a few more stuff that I wanted to bring back, I brought my siblings and cousins out with me. It was the last chance we could spend some time together before I depart. After getting the stuffs I wanted, mainly food, I went back home and started packing. The packing process was hilarious as I tried to pack 40 packets of instant noodles, tens of cans of can food and tens of packets of drinks into my bag. Not forgetting my books and clothes. As Caitlyn watched me pack, we both laughed at my packing techniques. I could literally make a whole 30 minutes comedic documentary just with my packing process.
As I stuffed too many things into one of my bags, it got torn. Usually this would be a bad thing, especially if you had a flight that was leaving in 3 hour time, but in this case, it was a blessing in disguise. Because the bag was torn, I got to realize a talent that I never knew my step dad had. He could actually sew. Unbelievable. For a man who is as lazy as him, he could actually sew to save his own life. And also, because the bag was torn, I had no other choice but to go to the airport to check in first. I could not go with my whole family but they would meet at the airport about an hour before my flight left. So after finishing dinner, I went to the airport to check in with Caitlyn. It was an awkward 30 minutes drive to the airport. We said barely anything but somehow we knew what each other were thinking. I guessed goodbye came a little too soon. We both knew it was coming. We just didn’t know it was coming this soon.
Upon arriving at the airport, I checked in and met my cousin who kidnapped my lap top for the whole day to transfer a few of my dramas into his own computer. As we stood at the airport waiting for my family to arrive, we joked. The jokes were lame but we laughed at each and every one of them. If it weren’t so sad, it would have been funny. My family finally arrived. And before I knew it, everyone was standing at the departure gate. I had the bag that my father had sewn on me and all that was left was the goodbye.
With no surprise, my mum poured her heart out. My siblings had grown up and this time around, they were stronger. They did not cry but I could still feel their pain. The one good news though was that I would be back in 4 months time. After hugging each and every one, came one problem. How to say goodbye to Caitlyn? After thinking for a few moments (this is a note to myself: never think things over too much), I came up with the best goodbye. I went to say goodbye to her and I ……….. (this isn’t so what you’re expecting, so be emotionally prepared)………shook her hands.
(to be continued)
Next on Chapter 8 : Leaving on a Jet Plane, which will debut tomorrow.
The continuation of Chapter 7. This time, in KLIA.
Sunday 13 January 2008
Saturday 5 January 2008
Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 6 : Somewhere Out There ( Our Lady Peace )
Previously:
In Turning 2.0 Season 2 Chapter 4, I found out about my real father. In chapter 6, I went to see the school psych for a consult and she convinced me that it is better to live a life with no regrets. A life that I won't spending wondering the what ifs. Thus I made up my mind before coming back to Kuching, Malaysia that I will look for my father's family.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
September 2007
I’ve been back for almost a month now. Life has finally settled in. It felt almost like I never left Kuching at all. I was getting a hang of my daily routine. But throughout the whole one month, one thing lingered in my mind. My real father.
Before I came back to Kuching, I knew exactly what I would do. I would look for my real father’s family and try and get to know them better. I had no intention of joining the family. In fact, I didn't mind this being a one time thing. All I wanted to do was to see them and sit down to talk with them once. For once, I wanted to face truth sitting directly in front of me. To be honest with you, I had no idea what I wanted to accomplish out of this whole ordeal. But I knew it deep inside my heart, I needed to this. For myself, at least.
So since coming back to Kuching, I asked my mom about my family. My mum told me that she still had my uncle’s number. So I asked for it. At first she was reluctant to give. She would tell me that she would give me the next day but she never did. I guessed she somehow thought that I would give up after a while. But being her child, she should expect nothing less of me. I kept pasturing her day in and day out. She finally gave in and gave me the number. Like a happy little boy who has just received his balloon, I went out to call my uncle.
As the phone rang, my heart beat faster and faster. With each ring, I could feel a sudden rush of adrenaline. To my dismal, I reached the voice mail. Lucky me, I thought. I tried several times but to no avail. It was not until the third week that I finally got through. A guy with a rough voice answered the phone. I was so excited. With my broken Taiwanese, I told him who I was. I told him whose child I was.
In a typical fairytale, this is the point where the waterworks begin. He will meet up with me and on that day we meet, we will hug each other and cry. However, it was nothing like that. Instead, he said he didn’t know who I was. He said I had the wrong number. I would be lying if I said I was very disappointed. Yes, I was anxious to talk to him but I knew that there was a chance that this would not be one of those fairytale ending you find in story books. I was realistic about it.
So as days passed by, I was getting used to the idea of never having the opportunity to see them again. I wasn’t feeling that bad cause at least I knew I tried. As I continued helping out in my high school, I began to make myself busy in the day. At night, I would go out with Jerry and Azeezul or helped my mother out.
One day, after helping out at the high school, I called Azeezul out to ask him if he would be so kind as to drive me home. My mother needed to use the car that day so after she dropped me off at school, she had to drive the car home and I was left stranded. Azeezul said yes and he came to pick me. We went to eat lunch at Tun Jugah.
On the way to Tun Jugah, I realized that Tun Jugah was near where my real father’s sister used to live. I remembered very clearly cause when I was young, my mum used to drop me there for one whole day to play. At that time, I didn't know that she was my aunt. I just assumed that my mum dropped me off at her friends house.
So after we had lunch, I asked Azeezul if he would follow me to see if my real aunt still lived there. As he drove, I became very quiet. In my mind, I thought of a thousand different scenarios. How would I knock on the door? Should I knock twice or thrice? What should I call them? How would I introduce myself? It was then, that I knocked some senses into my head. What if they moved? After all, it had already been 9 years since I’ve last been there. What if I get too excited just to get my hopes crushed? Whatever it is, I was ready to face it. Or at least, I thought I was ready to face it.
We arrived at the house. The house was located on the second floor of a four floor shop lot. From far away, the house seemed shabby like no one lived there for the past many years. I told myself that it might just be my imagination. Maybe the people were untidy. After all, I must have picked up my lazy genes somewhere. I am not exactly the tidy type.
As I approached the gate of the house, it was rusty. It was an old house. What did I expect? I tried to convince myself that someone still lived there. As I said hello, no one replied. I could hear my voice echo. Maybe no one is home. By the third time I tried to convince myself, I knew that this was futile. But I still tried. Over and over again. After asking around, people told me that that house was vacant for quite some time already. I even called the number of the real estate agent posted on the door of the house. The real estate agent confirmed the information I got from the neighbors.
As we left the house, I felt heartbroken. I didn’t feel this way the first time around when I tried to call my uncle. In fact when the guy pretended or really didn’t know me, my mum gave me words of comfort. She said that maybe my father’s family wanted me to move on. And I believed her. But deep inside my heart, I knew that I still had one more opportunity to meet my real family. And that was through my real aunt. But now that even she had move, I felt like I lost all my chances already. And that I would never meet my real family. Don’t get me wrong. I love my present family. A lot.
But I guessed it was always nice knowing that I had another family that I didn’t know of somewhere out there.
Now, the somewhere out there will forever remain somewhere out there.
Next Week's Chapter 7 : Baby Goodbye ( Friday Hill )
After two months in Kuching, it's finally time to fly back to Japan. Next week, we shall have two chapters back to back. Chapter 7 on Saturday and the continuation, Chapter 8 on Sunday.
In Turning 2.0 Season 2 Chapter 4, I found out about my real father. In chapter 6, I went to see the school psych for a consult and she convinced me that it is better to live a life with no regrets. A life that I won't spending wondering the what ifs. Thus I made up my mind before coming back to Kuching, Malaysia that I will look for my father's family.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
September 2007
I’ve been back for almost a month now. Life has finally settled in. It felt almost like I never left Kuching at all. I was getting a hang of my daily routine. But throughout the whole one month, one thing lingered in my mind. My real father.
Before I came back to Kuching, I knew exactly what I would do. I would look for my real father’s family and try and get to know them better. I had no intention of joining the family. In fact, I didn't mind this being a one time thing. All I wanted to do was to see them and sit down to talk with them once. For once, I wanted to face truth sitting directly in front of me. To be honest with you, I had no idea what I wanted to accomplish out of this whole ordeal. But I knew it deep inside my heart, I needed to this. For myself, at least.
So since coming back to Kuching, I asked my mom about my family. My mum told me that she still had my uncle’s number. So I asked for it. At first she was reluctant to give. She would tell me that she would give me the next day but she never did. I guessed she somehow thought that I would give up after a while. But being her child, she should expect nothing less of me. I kept pasturing her day in and day out. She finally gave in and gave me the number. Like a happy little boy who has just received his balloon, I went out to call my uncle.
As the phone rang, my heart beat faster and faster. With each ring, I could feel a sudden rush of adrenaline. To my dismal, I reached the voice mail. Lucky me, I thought. I tried several times but to no avail. It was not until the third week that I finally got through. A guy with a rough voice answered the phone. I was so excited. With my broken Taiwanese, I told him who I was. I told him whose child I was.
In a typical fairytale, this is the point where the waterworks begin. He will meet up with me and on that day we meet, we will hug each other and cry. However, it was nothing like that. Instead, he said he didn’t know who I was. He said I had the wrong number. I would be lying if I said I was very disappointed. Yes, I was anxious to talk to him but I knew that there was a chance that this would not be one of those fairytale ending you find in story books. I was realistic about it.
So as days passed by, I was getting used to the idea of never having the opportunity to see them again. I wasn’t feeling that bad cause at least I knew I tried. As I continued helping out in my high school, I began to make myself busy in the day. At night, I would go out with Jerry and Azeezul or helped my mother out.
One day, after helping out at the high school, I called Azeezul out to ask him if he would be so kind as to drive me home. My mother needed to use the car that day so after she dropped me off at school, she had to drive the car home and I was left stranded. Azeezul said yes and he came to pick me. We went to eat lunch at Tun Jugah.
On the way to Tun Jugah, I realized that Tun Jugah was near where my real father’s sister used to live. I remembered very clearly cause when I was young, my mum used to drop me there for one whole day to play. At that time, I didn't know that she was my aunt. I just assumed that my mum dropped me off at her friends house.
So after we had lunch, I asked Azeezul if he would follow me to see if my real aunt still lived there. As he drove, I became very quiet. In my mind, I thought of a thousand different scenarios. How would I knock on the door? Should I knock twice or thrice? What should I call them? How would I introduce myself? It was then, that I knocked some senses into my head. What if they moved? After all, it had already been 9 years since I’ve last been there. What if I get too excited just to get my hopes crushed? Whatever it is, I was ready to face it. Or at least, I thought I was ready to face it.
We arrived at the house. The house was located on the second floor of a four floor shop lot. From far away, the house seemed shabby like no one lived there for the past many years. I told myself that it might just be my imagination. Maybe the people were untidy. After all, I must have picked up my lazy genes somewhere. I am not exactly the tidy type.
As I approached the gate of the house, it was rusty. It was an old house. What did I expect? I tried to convince myself that someone still lived there. As I said hello, no one replied. I could hear my voice echo. Maybe no one is home. By the third time I tried to convince myself, I knew that this was futile. But I still tried. Over and over again. After asking around, people told me that that house was vacant for quite some time already. I even called the number of the real estate agent posted on the door of the house. The real estate agent confirmed the information I got from the neighbors.
As we left the house, I felt heartbroken. I didn’t feel this way the first time around when I tried to call my uncle. In fact when the guy pretended or really didn’t know me, my mum gave me words of comfort. She said that maybe my father’s family wanted me to move on. And I believed her. But deep inside my heart, I knew that I still had one more opportunity to meet my real family. And that was through my real aunt. But now that even she had move, I felt like I lost all my chances already. And that I would never meet my real family. Don’t get me wrong. I love my present family. A lot.
But I guessed it was always nice knowing that I had another family that I didn’t know of somewhere out there.
Now, the somewhere out there will forever remain somewhere out there.
Next Week's Chapter 7 : Baby Goodbye ( Friday Hill )
After two months in Kuching, it's finally time to fly back to Japan. Next week, we shall have two chapters back to back. Chapter 7 on Saturday and the continuation, Chapter 8 on Sunday.
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