Previously:
I came back to Kuching and volunteered for about two months in my old high school. To be honest with you, I am not sure how much of that was volunteering as I felt more like a nuissance. LOL. Then I went to hunt for my biological family but to no avail. The one good thing that happened was that I finally hooked up with Caitlyn. However, the joy did not last long. The story continues.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
September 21st.
A day before my departure. Time passed by me so quickly that I barely noticed the two months that flew before my very own eyes. It felt like it was just yesterday I returned to my home. It felt like it was just last night I crashed in my very own bed. I seemed like it was just a few moments ago I was lying down beside my brother, laughing while tickling him.
Today, I had two final errands to run. The first, driving my brother to his primary school to ask about the procedure of changing schools. My mother wanted my brother to change to a Malay language medium school. She felt guilty for putting my brother through 5 years of hell as my brother had always been weak in Chinese. She wanted me to register him into my alma mater, my previous school. At first I was stubborn. I felt like if he were to transfer school and register in St Joseph, my alma mater, he would have difficulty fitting in as he must start Year 1 immediately. If he were to go to Batu Lintang, the school that he might enter, he would not have to enter Year 1 immediately. Instead, he would get a year of Transition Class where he could learn English and Malay again. My mother, however, felt like he would be wasting a year. After arguing this over and over again, I bet you guys know the outcome already.
My mum won as she played the mum card, a card that the son card can never triumph. So unfair. So as I drove my brother to the primary school, he seemed to be sad. He seemed to be depressed. After a while of trying to find out the reason, I finally realized that he didn’t want to change school. When I asked him if that was the cause, he said yes. I asked him why. His answer is a very simple two word answer. An answer I could understand very well. He told me the reason why he didn’t want to change school was because of his friends. If he were to change school, he would never see them again. After having friends like Dominic, Muz, Ihsan and Jerry, I knew how that felt. I agree with the whole stepping out of your comfort zone concept but the question is when the right time is to step out. My gut feeling told me that it was too soon.
I told my brother that I would just go and ask because my mum wanted me to but I will not push him to change school and that the choice is all up to him because I would tell my mum that it was difficult to change school. Something that is true but at least if my mum were to hear it from me, she would stop pushing for my brother to change schools. My brother went along with the plan.
After going to his primary school, we went to my uncle’s workshop. We sat there for a while before we went to service the family car. After that, we went home.
Kuching
September 22nd
That was the day of departure. Right before that day, my brother and my sister had been asking if I could change my return flight. They asked if I could change it to a later day. I said I could not. The truth is I could but I did not want to. Changing the date of return to Japan would only prolong their misery. Sometimes the faster you say goodbye, the better it is.
On this day, it was a completely family day. I spent the whole day going out with family. We went shopping for food that I would bring back to Japan. We went to cut my hair. A move I would forever dread. I never go to any barber my mum recommended cause it usually ended up being a bad decision. But on this day, I thought that since it was my last day of 2007 in Kuching, I would please my mother’s wishes and go. Bad, bad move. My hair ended up real bad. It was cool, IF I had lots of gel to style it. Without those gels, it would look dreadful. Sigh.
So after the barber shop, we went home so that my mum could start cooking my farewell dinner. LOL. It wasn’t anything grand. It was just a simple dinner. As I had to go out to get a few more stuff that I wanted to bring back, I brought my siblings and cousins out with me. It was the last chance we could spend some time together before I depart. After getting the stuffs I wanted, mainly food, I went back home and started packing. The packing process was hilarious as I tried to pack 40 packets of instant noodles, tens of cans of can food and tens of packets of drinks into my bag. Not forgetting my books and clothes. As Caitlyn watched me pack, we both laughed at my packing techniques. I could literally make a whole 30 minutes comedic documentary just with my packing process.
As I stuffed too many things into one of my bags, it got torn. Usually this would be a bad thing, especially if you had a flight that was leaving in 3 hour time, but in this case, it was a blessing in disguise. Because the bag was torn, I got to realize a talent that I never knew my step dad had. He could actually sew. Unbelievable. For a man who is as lazy as him, he could actually sew to save his own life. And also, because the bag was torn, I had no other choice but to go to the airport to check in first. I could not go with my whole family but they would meet at the airport about an hour before my flight left. So after finishing dinner, I went to the airport to check in with Caitlyn. It was an awkward 30 minutes drive to the airport. We said barely anything but somehow we knew what each other were thinking. I guessed goodbye came a little too soon. We both knew it was coming. We just didn’t know it was coming this soon.
Upon arriving at the airport, I checked in and met my cousin who kidnapped my lap top for the whole day to transfer a few of my dramas into his own computer. As we stood at the airport waiting for my family to arrive, we joked. The jokes were lame but we laughed at each and every one of them. If it weren’t so sad, it would have been funny. My family finally arrived. And before I knew it, everyone was standing at the departure gate. I had the bag that my father had sewn on me and all that was left was the goodbye.
With no surprise, my mum poured her heart out. My siblings had grown up and this time around, they were stronger. They did not cry but I could still feel their pain. The one good news though was that I would be back in 4 months time. After hugging each and every one, came one problem. How to say goodbye to Caitlyn? After thinking for a few moments (this is a note to myself: never think things over too much), I came up with the best goodbye. I went to say goodbye to her and I ……….. (this isn’t so what you’re expecting, so be emotionally prepared)………shook her hands.
(to be continued)
Next on Chapter 8 : Leaving on a Jet Plane, which will debut tomorrow.
The continuation of Chapter 7. This time, in KLIA.
Sunday, 13 January 2008
Saturday, 5 January 2008
Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 6 : Somewhere Out There ( Our Lady Peace )
Previously:
In Turning 2.0 Season 2 Chapter 4, I found out about my real father. In chapter 6, I went to see the school psych for a consult and she convinced me that it is better to live a life with no regrets. A life that I won't spending wondering the what ifs. Thus I made up my mind before coming back to Kuching, Malaysia that I will look for my father's family.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
September 2007
I’ve been back for almost a month now. Life has finally settled in. It felt almost like I never left Kuching at all. I was getting a hang of my daily routine. But throughout the whole one month, one thing lingered in my mind. My real father.
Before I came back to Kuching, I knew exactly what I would do. I would look for my real father’s family and try and get to know them better. I had no intention of joining the family. In fact, I didn't mind this being a one time thing. All I wanted to do was to see them and sit down to talk with them once. For once, I wanted to face truth sitting directly in front of me. To be honest with you, I had no idea what I wanted to accomplish out of this whole ordeal. But I knew it deep inside my heart, I needed to this. For myself, at least.
So since coming back to Kuching, I asked my mom about my family. My mum told me that she still had my uncle’s number. So I asked for it. At first she was reluctant to give. She would tell me that she would give me the next day but she never did. I guessed she somehow thought that I would give up after a while. But being her child, she should expect nothing less of me. I kept pasturing her day in and day out. She finally gave in and gave me the number. Like a happy little boy who has just received his balloon, I went out to call my uncle.
As the phone rang, my heart beat faster and faster. With each ring, I could feel a sudden rush of adrenaline. To my dismal, I reached the voice mail. Lucky me, I thought. I tried several times but to no avail. It was not until the third week that I finally got through. A guy with a rough voice answered the phone. I was so excited. With my broken Taiwanese, I told him who I was. I told him whose child I was.
In a typical fairytale, this is the point where the waterworks begin. He will meet up with me and on that day we meet, we will hug each other and cry. However, it was nothing like that. Instead, he said he didn’t know who I was. He said I had the wrong number. I would be lying if I said I was very disappointed. Yes, I was anxious to talk to him but I knew that there was a chance that this would not be one of those fairytale ending you find in story books. I was realistic about it.
So as days passed by, I was getting used to the idea of never having the opportunity to see them again. I wasn’t feeling that bad cause at least I knew I tried. As I continued helping out in my high school, I began to make myself busy in the day. At night, I would go out with Jerry and Azeezul or helped my mother out.
One day, after helping out at the high school, I called Azeezul out to ask him if he would be so kind as to drive me home. My mother needed to use the car that day so after she dropped me off at school, she had to drive the car home and I was left stranded. Azeezul said yes and he came to pick me. We went to eat lunch at Tun Jugah.
On the way to Tun Jugah, I realized that Tun Jugah was near where my real father’s sister used to live. I remembered very clearly cause when I was young, my mum used to drop me there for one whole day to play. At that time, I didn't know that she was my aunt. I just assumed that my mum dropped me off at her friends house.
So after we had lunch, I asked Azeezul if he would follow me to see if my real aunt still lived there. As he drove, I became very quiet. In my mind, I thought of a thousand different scenarios. How would I knock on the door? Should I knock twice or thrice? What should I call them? How would I introduce myself? It was then, that I knocked some senses into my head. What if they moved? After all, it had already been 9 years since I’ve last been there. What if I get too excited just to get my hopes crushed? Whatever it is, I was ready to face it. Or at least, I thought I was ready to face it.
We arrived at the house. The house was located on the second floor of a four floor shop lot. From far away, the house seemed shabby like no one lived there for the past many years. I told myself that it might just be my imagination. Maybe the people were untidy. After all, I must have picked up my lazy genes somewhere. I am not exactly the tidy type.
As I approached the gate of the house, it was rusty. It was an old house. What did I expect? I tried to convince myself that someone still lived there. As I said hello, no one replied. I could hear my voice echo. Maybe no one is home. By the third time I tried to convince myself, I knew that this was futile. But I still tried. Over and over again. After asking around, people told me that that house was vacant for quite some time already. I even called the number of the real estate agent posted on the door of the house. The real estate agent confirmed the information I got from the neighbors.
As we left the house, I felt heartbroken. I didn’t feel this way the first time around when I tried to call my uncle. In fact when the guy pretended or really didn’t know me, my mum gave me words of comfort. She said that maybe my father’s family wanted me to move on. And I believed her. But deep inside my heart, I knew that I still had one more opportunity to meet my real family. And that was through my real aunt. But now that even she had move, I felt like I lost all my chances already. And that I would never meet my real family. Don’t get me wrong. I love my present family. A lot.
But I guessed it was always nice knowing that I had another family that I didn’t know of somewhere out there.
Now, the somewhere out there will forever remain somewhere out there.
Next Week's Chapter 7 : Baby Goodbye ( Friday Hill )
After two months in Kuching, it's finally time to fly back to Japan. Next week, we shall have two chapters back to back. Chapter 7 on Saturday and the continuation, Chapter 8 on Sunday.
In Turning 2.0 Season 2 Chapter 4, I found out about my real father. In chapter 6, I went to see the school psych for a consult and she convinced me that it is better to live a life with no regrets. A life that I won't spending wondering the what ifs. Thus I made up my mind before coming back to Kuching, Malaysia that I will look for my father's family.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
September 2007
I’ve been back for almost a month now. Life has finally settled in. It felt almost like I never left Kuching at all. I was getting a hang of my daily routine. But throughout the whole one month, one thing lingered in my mind. My real father.
Before I came back to Kuching, I knew exactly what I would do. I would look for my real father’s family and try and get to know them better. I had no intention of joining the family. In fact, I didn't mind this being a one time thing. All I wanted to do was to see them and sit down to talk with them once. For once, I wanted to face truth sitting directly in front of me. To be honest with you, I had no idea what I wanted to accomplish out of this whole ordeal. But I knew it deep inside my heart, I needed to this. For myself, at least.
So since coming back to Kuching, I asked my mom about my family. My mum told me that she still had my uncle’s number. So I asked for it. At first she was reluctant to give. She would tell me that she would give me the next day but she never did. I guessed she somehow thought that I would give up after a while. But being her child, she should expect nothing less of me. I kept pasturing her day in and day out. She finally gave in and gave me the number. Like a happy little boy who has just received his balloon, I went out to call my uncle.
As the phone rang, my heart beat faster and faster. With each ring, I could feel a sudden rush of adrenaline. To my dismal, I reached the voice mail. Lucky me, I thought. I tried several times but to no avail. It was not until the third week that I finally got through. A guy with a rough voice answered the phone. I was so excited. With my broken Taiwanese, I told him who I was. I told him whose child I was.
In a typical fairytale, this is the point where the waterworks begin. He will meet up with me and on that day we meet, we will hug each other and cry. However, it was nothing like that. Instead, he said he didn’t know who I was. He said I had the wrong number. I would be lying if I said I was very disappointed. Yes, I was anxious to talk to him but I knew that there was a chance that this would not be one of those fairytale ending you find in story books. I was realistic about it.
So as days passed by, I was getting used to the idea of never having the opportunity to see them again. I wasn’t feeling that bad cause at least I knew I tried. As I continued helping out in my high school, I began to make myself busy in the day. At night, I would go out with Jerry and Azeezul or helped my mother out.
One day, after helping out at the high school, I called Azeezul out to ask him if he would be so kind as to drive me home. My mother needed to use the car that day so after she dropped me off at school, she had to drive the car home and I was left stranded. Azeezul said yes and he came to pick me. We went to eat lunch at Tun Jugah.
On the way to Tun Jugah, I realized that Tun Jugah was near where my real father’s sister used to live. I remembered very clearly cause when I was young, my mum used to drop me there for one whole day to play. At that time, I didn't know that she was my aunt. I just assumed that my mum dropped me off at her friends house.
So after we had lunch, I asked Azeezul if he would follow me to see if my real aunt still lived there. As he drove, I became very quiet. In my mind, I thought of a thousand different scenarios. How would I knock on the door? Should I knock twice or thrice? What should I call them? How would I introduce myself? It was then, that I knocked some senses into my head. What if they moved? After all, it had already been 9 years since I’ve last been there. What if I get too excited just to get my hopes crushed? Whatever it is, I was ready to face it. Or at least, I thought I was ready to face it.
We arrived at the house. The house was located on the second floor of a four floor shop lot. From far away, the house seemed shabby like no one lived there for the past many years. I told myself that it might just be my imagination. Maybe the people were untidy. After all, I must have picked up my lazy genes somewhere. I am not exactly the tidy type.
As I approached the gate of the house, it was rusty. It was an old house. What did I expect? I tried to convince myself that someone still lived there. As I said hello, no one replied. I could hear my voice echo. Maybe no one is home. By the third time I tried to convince myself, I knew that this was futile. But I still tried. Over and over again. After asking around, people told me that that house was vacant for quite some time already. I even called the number of the real estate agent posted on the door of the house. The real estate agent confirmed the information I got from the neighbors.
As we left the house, I felt heartbroken. I didn’t feel this way the first time around when I tried to call my uncle. In fact when the guy pretended or really didn’t know me, my mum gave me words of comfort. She said that maybe my father’s family wanted me to move on. And I believed her. But deep inside my heart, I knew that I still had one more opportunity to meet my real family. And that was through my real aunt. But now that even she had move, I felt like I lost all my chances already. And that I would never meet my real family. Don’t get me wrong. I love my present family. A lot.
But I guessed it was always nice knowing that I had another family that I didn’t know of somewhere out there.
Now, the somewhere out there will forever remain somewhere out there.
Next Week's Chapter 7 : Baby Goodbye ( Friday Hill )
After two months in Kuching, it's finally time to fly back to Japan. Next week, we shall have two chapters back to back. Chapter 7 on Saturday and the continuation, Chapter 8 on Sunday.
Monday, 31 December 2007
Turning 2.0 : 2007 Year End Special
It is funny looking back now, where in 2006, I was almost certain that my life was going to be normal, with no more drama and just going to have to tell the same old stories over and over again. In fact, I was so worried that I had gone through the hardest time and that from that point onward, everything else was just going to end up looking boring and dull.
Boy, was I wrong. And I am actually glad to be wrong. Cause although 2007 is coming to end, I feel like my life has just begun. For those of you who followed my blog, you would have noticed that this year has been nothing but easy. The first, being the discovery of my real biological father. Let me rephrase that. The first, being the discovery of my dead biological father. I guess I am lucky enough to have three fathers but not lucky enough to have a dad. Well, at least, I learnt a little from each and every one of them. To put it short, the things I learnt from the three of them is to be alive, to stick around and to be good to those around you. And those three lessons, I would hold dearly to my heart forever.
This was also the year that I realized that despite being lucky enough to somewhat blend in easily in high school, not everyone can blend in at all time. Entering Keio University was the first time, I truly had contact with Japanese my age. I was so looking forward to it. But you know how the story of the ugly duckling goes where it started off in a lake of swans just to realize that it was at the wrong lake at the end. That happened to me this year. I started my semester in an English class filled with Japanese students who lived overseas before. I was so sure they were my group of pals and I tried so hard to blend in that I forgot that sometimes it is just not me, and that is just the environment. So luckily I stopped trying before it was too late. To be fair, there were a few people in that class that were actually cool with me. I decided to take those few, kept being myself and make new friends outside of that class. That worked out perfect for me.
Another great discovery of this year was that everyone has problems. Menial or not to us, people who are experiencing these problems are facing it like it is their biggest obstacle in life. Be it a fear of making speeches, or a fear of talking in English, or a fear of upsetting others, I have no right to belittle it. Before this year, especially throughout last year, I looked down at people who succumb to the pressure of their problems. I always thought that they were weak. But this year, I learnt that not everyone goes through the same life experiences I did that made me who I am today. So what I should do is not tie them up and drag them across the mud, but instead try and find a way to either be listeners or motivators. With all that I have been through, there must be some good after all. Besides, since people have been helping me through all this while without judging my problem, what gives me the right to judge other people’s problems?
So after all the drama, 2007 has been a great year. Not only do I find out I actually have a cool Malay cousin who lives in Brunei (hi James), I actually found out about myself better. I found out that there are things that I can’t do but at the same time, there are things that I can do rather well. So all and all, a great year. Can’t wait for 2008. To come to think of it, I will not have to wait. LOL.
Boy, was I wrong. And I am actually glad to be wrong. Cause although 2007 is coming to end, I feel like my life has just begun. For those of you who followed my blog, you would have noticed that this year has been nothing but easy. The first, being the discovery of my real biological father. Let me rephrase that. The first, being the discovery of my dead biological father. I guess I am lucky enough to have three fathers but not lucky enough to have a dad. Well, at least, I learnt a little from each and every one of them. To put it short, the things I learnt from the three of them is to be alive, to stick around and to be good to those around you. And those three lessons, I would hold dearly to my heart forever.
This was also the year that I realized that despite being lucky enough to somewhat blend in easily in high school, not everyone can blend in at all time. Entering Keio University was the first time, I truly had contact with Japanese my age. I was so looking forward to it. But you know how the story of the ugly duckling goes where it started off in a lake of swans just to realize that it was at the wrong lake at the end. That happened to me this year. I started my semester in an English class filled with Japanese students who lived overseas before. I was so sure they were my group of pals and I tried so hard to blend in that I forgot that sometimes it is just not me, and that is just the environment. So luckily I stopped trying before it was too late. To be fair, there were a few people in that class that were actually cool with me. I decided to take those few, kept being myself and make new friends outside of that class. That worked out perfect for me.
Another great discovery of this year was that everyone has problems. Menial or not to us, people who are experiencing these problems are facing it like it is their biggest obstacle in life. Be it a fear of making speeches, or a fear of talking in English, or a fear of upsetting others, I have no right to belittle it. Before this year, especially throughout last year, I looked down at people who succumb to the pressure of their problems. I always thought that they were weak. But this year, I learnt that not everyone goes through the same life experiences I did that made me who I am today. So what I should do is not tie them up and drag them across the mud, but instead try and find a way to either be listeners or motivators. With all that I have been through, there must be some good after all. Besides, since people have been helping me through all this while without judging my problem, what gives me the right to judge other people’s problems?
So after all the drama, 2007 has been a great year. Not only do I find out I actually have a cool Malay cousin who lives in Brunei (hi James), I actually found out about myself better. I found out that there are things that I can’t do but at the same time, there are things that I can do rather well. So all and all, a great year. Can’t wait for 2008. To come to think of it, I will not have to wait. LOL.
Sunday, 30 December 2007
Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 5 : Headlines [Friendship Never Ends] (Spice Girls)
Previously:
In Turning 2.0 Season 1, I exposed a bit of my teenage life and told you how in the mids of drowning, two hands reached into the muddy water and pulled me out. Until today, I am still holding on to both of those hands. The first hand is the hand of my teacher. Perhaps that is one of the reason why I want to become a teach because I realized that a teacher's role is not only to teach but to inspire and save. The second hand is the hand of my friend. Each and every friend I encounter has brought out the best in me. I shall introduce you to one of those friends in this chapter again.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
August 2007
I have been very blessed to keep running into people that keeps me going with a smile on my face. Most of these people are people I am proud to call my friends (this is the reason why I am very particular about who I call a friend and who I call an acquaintance. I rather have only 3 friends on my friends list if it meant that these three friends are the ones that stands by me through thick and thin rather than have an army of friends that is ready to desert base when push comes to shove. Luckily though, I have more than three friends. Fingers crossed. I think I have more than three friends. LOL) Before this, we have heard about Jia Hsien with his forgiving and pure heart. We have heard about Mahayuddin with his saving hand. We have also heard about Dominic with his beautiful soul. Not forgeting Muz with his calm and assuring attitude. Then we have Ihsan, Iman and Nor. The three that never ever makes me feel like I am alone while walking on this earth. There were more people in my life that I am proud to call friends. The trip back to Kuching this time just expanded that list. This time around I rekindle with an old friend. The one friend that I have never thought I would grow so close to during this trip back to Kuching. Running into him was sort of a coincidence. Or as I would like to call it, serendipity.
When I went back to Kuching this time, I have every intention of meeting Jerry Leslie Chin. I knew him since I was 13. It was one day, on the way back from the shopping mall near way I stay, after I crossed the field near my house, I saw a familiar boy playing outside a red gate. As I moved closer, it was my schoolmate that teased me near the bus stand everyday after school. He was annoying, talkative and abbrasive. (Does those three adjectives remind you of someone you know?) In other words, he was just like me. So I went to greet him and the next thing you know, I was visiting his house almost everyday since then.
He did not know this but knowing him probably held me together as home used to be hell and for once, returning home seemed like something that is fun and warm as I know that I have a neighbor's house that I can go to to laugh everything off. For two years, I laughed. I giggled. I was happy at home. However the one thing that I always appreciated Jerry for is his friendship. His unconditional friendship. I still remember borrowing RM 25 from him to participate in a red crescent camp. Although RM 25 sounds like a really small amount of cash but for me, it was really big at that time. I could not pay him back at one go. So what I did was I paid him back little by little. RM 1 at a time to be exact. And you know what, he never ever once complained. (Well, he did but not in an evil "Pay Me Back Now" way but more of a joking way) At that point, it did not seem like a big deal for me but now I realized that it was a big deal. And I will always remember that and all the other sweet things he did for me.
I even got to know his family very well. His annoying little sister and his kind parents. I always loved the atmosphere of his house. I love my family but sometimes my family is just way too exciting. It's like a rollercoaster ride. The kind that if you are not careful, your seatbelt might just break and you're sent flying across the sky. So being at his house, I feel safe. It's like a little sanctuary. Within those two years, we grew really close to each other. At least, until the day I moved away.
Coming back to Kuching this time, I knew I wanted to meet Jerry but I didn’t know how and when. I didn’t have his contact information. One day, I told my mum I was going to get myself something from the shops outside. Instead, my heart told me to drive to Jerry’s house. So after a 20 minutes drive, I arrived at Jerry’s neighbourhood (my old neighbourhood). I missed the first turning and had to take the other way around. As I slowly approached his house, I noticed that noone was home. As my mum needed to use the car, I had no time to wait for him. At least I knew I tried to rekindle with him. It was that moment as I was driving past his house that a white car arrived. It was his mother. I greeted her and she asked me to go into her house. Luckily I missed the turning, I said to myself. Or else I would have just drove pass by his house, realized that noone was home and drove away and completely missed his mother.
As I walked into his house with his mother (I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t a scene from a cheap porno movie, mind you), I sat and the mother began updating me on Jerry. As it turned out, Jerry dropped out of college and was working a watch shop as salesman. He had been mixing around with the wrong crowd. Although that didn’t surprised me as I realized it could have just been anyone who could have walked down the path Jerry took. Even I would have if I didn’t have friends who were always there to catch me when I fall. Upon hearing his story, I realized now that this was my time to be a friend. He did his part and now is my turn.
As I began to go out with Jerry (with Cait as well of course), I began to understand his situation better. He was still a good kid. Still as bright as ever. And still as foul mouthed as ever (if he were to be a film star, I bet the censorship department will need to hire part timers to do all the job) . But he was matured. He knew the road he was heading and he himself knew how dangerous it was. But as I heard his reasons, it became clear to me that it was due to all the past he was holding on. While I had a great high school life, he led a miserable one. He was bullied in his class and I was too busy minding my own business to notice it. It was that moment I realized I failed as a friend. But hey, one wrong doesn’t make me a failure. I would try harder this time around. Throughout my two months there, I spent almost every night with him. We played ‘share our stories’ game.
The more we talked to each other, the more I realized how difficult life was for him. But I reminded him one thing. The one thing that I learnt through my own life experiences. Education might do you no good if you do not utilize it but if you truly put it to good use, education could change your life. I told him to continue schooling and tried learning as much as he could in school. As it turned out, he knew that already. LOL. Told you he was smart. Although I could not do much for him, all I could do was what Dominic did for me. I listened. For the first time in my life, I listened. And that seemed to be enough.
And that was what we did all the time, we sat, we talked and we laughed. It was the same routine. Never got bored with it and never grew tired of it. Sometimes, it doesn't take something big to change someone's life. Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of patience and listening (something i need to work on). Jerry, if you are reading this, you're one of the greatest person I've ever met. But there are still heights that you have never reached before of which you could. So do your best, try your best and be your best. If you need support, you know where to look for me, buddy.
Coming Up ON Turning 2.0 End Year Special
After 5 chapters, it's time to take a break. It's new year after all right. Hehehehe. So on December 31st, I am going to have a special post. I will try to write it in a way that doesn't spoil the plot of the remainding 6 chapters of Turning 2.0 which is really the juicy part but at the same time, make sure that it is memorable enough. So hold on tight.
In Turning 2.0 Season 1, I exposed a bit of my teenage life and told you how in the mids of drowning, two hands reached into the muddy water and pulled me out. Until today, I am still holding on to both of those hands. The first hand is the hand of my teacher. Perhaps that is one of the reason why I want to become a teach because I realized that a teacher's role is not only to teach but to inspire and save. The second hand is the hand of my friend. Each and every friend I encounter has brought out the best in me. I shall introduce you to one of those friends in this chapter again.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
August 2007
I have been very blessed to keep running into people that keeps me going with a smile on my face. Most of these people are people I am proud to call my friends (this is the reason why I am very particular about who I call a friend and who I call an acquaintance. I rather have only 3 friends on my friends list if it meant that these three friends are the ones that stands by me through thick and thin rather than have an army of friends that is ready to desert base when push comes to shove. Luckily though, I have more than three friends. Fingers crossed. I think I have more than three friends. LOL) Before this, we have heard about Jia Hsien with his forgiving and pure heart. We have heard about Mahayuddin with his saving hand. We have also heard about Dominic with his beautiful soul. Not forgeting Muz with his calm and assuring attitude. Then we have Ihsan, Iman and Nor. The three that never ever makes me feel like I am alone while walking on this earth. There were more people in my life that I am proud to call friends. The trip back to Kuching this time just expanded that list. This time around I rekindle with an old friend. The one friend that I have never thought I would grow so close to during this trip back to Kuching. Running into him was sort of a coincidence. Or as I would like to call it, serendipity.
When I went back to Kuching this time, I have every intention of meeting Jerry Leslie Chin. I knew him since I was 13. It was one day, on the way back from the shopping mall near way I stay, after I crossed the field near my house, I saw a familiar boy playing outside a red gate. As I moved closer, it was my schoolmate that teased me near the bus stand everyday after school. He was annoying, talkative and abbrasive. (Does those three adjectives remind you of someone you know?) In other words, he was just like me. So I went to greet him and the next thing you know, I was visiting his house almost everyday since then.
He did not know this but knowing him probably held me together as home used to be hell and for once, returning home seemed like something that is fun and warm as I know that I have a neighbor's house that I can go to to laugh everything off. For two years, I laughed. I giggled. I was happy at home. However the one thing that I always appreciated Jerry for is his friendship. His unconditional friendship. I still remember borrowing RM 25 from him to participate in a red crescent camp. Although RM 25 sounds like a really small amount of cash but for me, it was really big at that time. I could not pay him back at one go. So what I did was I paid him back little by little. RM 1 at a time to be exact. And you know what, he never ever once complained. (Well, he did but not in an evil "Pay Me Back Now" way but more of a joking way) At that point, it did not seem like a big deal for me but now I realized that it was a big deal. And I will always remember that and all the other sweet things he did for me.
I even got to know his family very well. His annoying little sister and his kind parents. I always loved the atmosphere of his house. I love my family but sometimes my family is just way too exciting. It's like a rollercoaster ride. The kind that if you are not careful, your seatbelt might just break and you're sent flying across the sky. So being at his house, I feel safe. It's like a little sanctuary. Within those two years, we grew really close to each other. At least, until the day I moved away.
Coming back to Kuching this time, I knew I wanted to meet Jerry but I didn’t know how and when. I didn’t have his contact information. One day, I told my mum I was going to get myself something from the shops outside. Instead, my heart told me to drive to Jerry’s house. So after a 20 minutes drive, I arrived at Jerry’s neighbourhood (my old neighbourhood). I missed the first turning and had to take the other way around. As I slowly approached his house, I noticed that noone was home. As my mum needed to use the car, I had no time to wait for him. At least I knew I tried to rekindle with him. It was that moment as I was driving past his house that a white car arrived. It was his mother. I greeted her and she asked me to go into her house. Luckily I missed the turning, I said to myself. Or else I would have just drove pass by his house, realized that noone was home and drove away and completely missed his mother.
As I walked into his house with his mother (I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t a scene from a cheap porno movie, mind you), I sat and the mother began updating me on Jerry. As it turned out, Jerry dropped out of college and was working a watch shop as salesman. He had been mixing around with the wrong crowd. Although that didn’t surprised me as I realized it could have just been anyone who could have walked down the path Jerry took. Even I would have if I didn’t have friends who were always there to catch me when I fall. Upon hearing his story, I realized now that this was my time to be a friend. He did his part and now is my turn.
As I began to go out with Jerry (with Cait as well of course), I began to understand his situation better. He was still a good kid. Still as bright as ever. And still as foul mouthed as ever (if he were to be a film star, I bet the censorship department will need to hire part timers to do all the job) . But he was matured. He knew the road he was heading and he himself knew how dangerous it was. But as I heard his reasons, it became clear to me that it was due to all the past he was holding on. While I had a great high school life, he led a miserable one. He was bullied in his class and I was too busy minding my own business to notice it. It was that moment I realized I failed as a friend. But hey, one wrong doesn’t make me a failure. I would try harder this time around. Throughout my two months there, I spent almost every night with him. We played ‘share our stories’ game.
The more we talked to each other, the more I realized how difficult life was for him. But I reminded him one thing. The one thing that I learnt through my own life experiences. Education might do you no good if you do not utilize it but if you truly put it to good use, education could change your life. I told him to continue schooling and tried learning as much as he could in school. As it turned out, he knew that already. LOL. Told you he was smart. Although I could not do much for him, all I could do was what Dominic did for me. I listened. For the first time in my life, I listened. And that seemed to be enough.
And that was what we did all the time, we sat, we talked and we laughed. It was the same routine. Never got bored with it and never grew tired of it. Sometimes, it doesn't take something big to change someone's life. Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of patience and listening (something i need to work on). Jerry, if you are reading this, you're one of the greatest person I've ever met. But there are still heights that you have never reached before of which you could. So do your best, try your best and be your best. If you need support, you know where to look for me, buddy.
Coming Up ON Turning 2.0 End Year Special
After 5 chapters, it's time to take a break. It's new year after all right. Hehehehe. So on December 31st, I am going to have a special post. I will try to write it in a way that doesn't spoil the plot of the remainding 6 chapters of Turning 2.0 which is really the juicy part but at the same time, make sure that it is memorable enough. So hold on tight.
Thursday, 27 December 2007
Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 4 : Everything ( Michael Buble )
Previously:
As it turned out, sometimes you only discover what is truly amazing when you view it from afar, not when it's staring you right in the face. I just realized for the first time that something good can come out of a relationship. Not everything must end in disaster.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
August 2007
Going back to Kuching has been a life opening experience for me. Three weeks in and I have seen so much changes. Not only of physical things that surrounded me but things within me as well. I opened up to new opportunities and I became a man that grasped chances as they come. However, going back to Kuching has also strenthened my love for my brother and my sister. They say that siblings grow apart as they grow up. From the looks of it, time and space have only strenghtened the bond we ha.
Ever since the birth of my brother and my sister, I cant think of any moment in life that I feel empty. Even at my emptiest moment and my lowest moment, I will always tell myself that I need to go on and fight for them. Because they deserve it. Ever since they were young, they were discriminated by my mother’s family. My grandfather disliked them because of my stepdad’s temper. Everytime he gave us money, he would give them half of what he would give me. My grandmother would also chased them back to my house everytime they go over to their house to play (we live across the road from each other). My stepdad’s side of the family on the other hand, only began showing their affection for them a few years ago. Even so, they don’t seemed that enthusiastic.
So from the moment they were born, the only people we had was each other. Everytime my mom fought with my stepdad, we would stick together. Everytime something bad were to happen, we would stick together. Of course we do bicker. For goodness sake, we even fought until one of us had to go to the hospital because of bleeding. But after a few hours, we would be back to our old selves. Laughing and joking.
Going back to Kuching I began to see how strong of an individual they both have became. They would go to school in the morning, come back home in the afternoon and take a few hours of nap. Then they would wake up at night and go for tuition or help my mother with the preparation of the food that my mum was selling. Then around 10 pm, they would follow my mum out to sell the food until 2 am in the morning. By the time they reach home, It would have been about 3 am. Then they go to bed and wake up at 6 in the morning to go to school again. Sure, they are way luckier than most kids in Africa but for most kids in Kuching, the life they are living are not normal. And I am well aware that they would not be able to live a more luxurious life as long as I have not graduated and received a stable income. And somehow seeing them live that life broke my heart. But I kept telling myself that that would not last long and that better days are coming.
The thing that touched me as well was the fact that when the money I brought back from Japan finally dried out, they kept asking if I needed any money. My sister even bought food for me. Luckily, my cousin paid his long overdue debts though. Or else I might really have to depend on them to survive. LOL. But with the money I brought back, I tried giving them something they could not have while I was not around. I brought them out to play and to eat out. I brought them to KFC and even to the playground. Seeing them running around, playing makes me happy.
One night, I told my sister that we were going out the next day. I told her that so that she could sleep early that night. Instead, she didn’t sleep the whole night because she was so excited. When my mother woke up in the morning, my mother was pissed. She told my sister off for not sleeping at all and disallowed her from going out. As I sat at the couch looking at my sister, I asked my brother if he still wanted to go out. He said he rather stay home cause he doesn’t want my sister to be alone. Hearing that my eyes became teary. Luckily my mother finally gave in to the power of persuasion and allowed us to go out. However, in order to protect her supremacy, she didn’t allow my sister to play with us. Instead she brought her shopping. LOL. What a punishment. But yeah, that day I realized one thing. I might not have a rich family with a big house and a big car. But I do have a rich family with a big heart and loving atmosphere. And at the end of the day, only that counts. Everything else will fall into place eventually.
Going back to Kuching has changed my love for my family. I love them more now.
Coming Up Next In Chapter 5 : Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)
Sometimes when we walk away to move on with our own life, we leave a friend behind. And as time passes by, we begin to lose touch. And at one point, you just forget completely about that friend.
As it turned out, sometimes you only discover what is truly amazing when you view it from afar, not when it's staring you right in the face. I just realized for the first time that something good can come out of a relationship. Not everything must end in disaster.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
August 2007
Going back to Kuching has been a life opening experience for me. Three weeks in and I have seen so much changes. Not only of physical things that surrounded me but things within me as well. I opened up to new opportunities and I became a man that grasped chances as they come. However, going back to Kuching has also strenthened my love for my brother and my sister. They say that siblings grow apart as they grow up. From the looks of it, time and space have only strenghtened the bond we ha.
Ever since the birth of my brother and my sister, I cant think of any moment in life that I feel empty. Even at my emptiest moment and my lowest moment, I will always tell myself that I need to go on and fight for them. Because they deserve it. Ever since they were young, they were discriminated by my mother’s family. My grandfather disliked them because of my stepdad’s temper. Everytime he gave us money, he would give them half of what he would give me. My grandmother would also chased them back to my house everytime they go over to their house to play (we live across the road from each other). My stepdad’s side of the family on the other hand, only began showing their affection for them a few years ago. Even so, they don’t seemed that enthusiastic.
So from the moment they were born, the only people we had was each other. Everytime my mom fought with my stepdad, we would stick together. Everytime something bad were to happen, we would stick together. Of course we do bicker. For goodness sake, we even fought until one of us had to go to the hospital because of bleeding. But after a few hours, we would be back to our old selves. Laughing and joking.
Going back to Kuching I began to see how strong of an individual they both have became. They would go to school in the morning, come back home in the afternoon and take a few hours of nap. Then they would wake up at night and go for tuition or help my mother with the preparation of the food that my mum was selling. Then around 10 pm, they would follow my mum out to sell the food until 2 am in the morning. By the time they reach home, It would have been about 3 am. Then they go to bed and wake up at 6 in the morning to go to school again. Sure, they are way luckier than most kids in Africa but for most kids in Kuching, the life they are living are not normal. And I am well aware that they would not be able to live a more luxurious life as long as I have not graduated and received a stable income. And somehow seeing them live that life broke my heart. But I kept telling myself that that would not last long and that better days are coming.
The thing that touched me as well was the fact that when the money I brought back from Japan finally dried out, they kept asking if I needed any money. My sister even bought food for me. Luckily, my cousin paid his long overdue debts though. Or else I might really have to depend on them to survive. LOL. But with the money I brought back, I tried giving them something they could not have while I was not around. I brought them out to play and to eat out. I brought them to KFC and even to the playground. Seeing them running around, playing makes me happy.
One night, I told my sister that we were going out the next day. I told her that so that she could sleep early that night. Instead, she didn’t sleep the whole night because she was so excited. When my mother woke up in the morning, my mother was pissed. She told my sister off for not sleeping at all and disallowed her from going out. As I sat at the couch looking at my sister, I asked my brother if he still wanted to go out. He said he rather stay home cause he doesn’t want my sister to be alone. Hearing that my eyes became teary. Luckily my mother finally gave in to the power of persuasion and allowed us to go out. However, in order to protect her supremacy, she didn’t allow my sister to play with us. Instead she brought her shopping. LOL. What a punishment. But yeah, that day I realized one thing. I might not have a rich family with a big house and a big car. But I do have a rich family with a big heart and loving atmosphere. And at the end of the day, only that counts. Everything else will fall into place eventually.
Going back to Kuching has changed my love for my family. I love them more now.
Coming Up Next In Chapter 5 : Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)
Sometimes when we walk away to move on with our own life, we leave a friend behind. And as time passes by, we begin to lose touch. And at one point, you just forget completely about that friend.
Saturday, 22 December 2007
Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 3 : Try (Nellly Furtado)
Previously :
I finally decided to try and step into unknown territor known as relationship. Although fearful of what could be, it was better to give it a go. However, the question remains if I could actually work this out. Or would I pull a houdini before anything great happens?
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
August 2007
After sealing the deal or if you want to make it more romantic, after agreeing to love in Venice, that morning, we met for the first time as a couple. I went to the nearest supermarket before meeting her at the park with the statue of dolphins near the place where I live and the place where she teaches music. I wanted to buy drinks for the two of us. Since I have no idea what are her favourite drinks, I just bought 5 and let her choose. When we met, my heart was pumping more blood to my brain that it has ever. There were quiet moments. And that is odd for my standard. There are barely any quiet moments with I am around. Sure, there are moments when you wish it was quiet, but no moments when it was actually quiet. I guess it was just a first date shiver.
As it turned out, it was right. As time passed by, I began to grow comfortable with the idea of sharing my life with someone. But it wasn’t long though before my fear started crawling back. Every day I woke up, I was so afraid that that day would be day we broke up. Every minute was becoming more and more escruciating. Every second was becoming more and more painful. But I made a promise to myself. I would try and make this last for as long as I could.
Lucky for me though, I already planned a trip to Kuala Lumpur for four days before returning to Kuching. So after going out for a week with Cait, I flew to KL to meet Ihsan, Nor and Iman. We were planning to go and see our new juniors as well as visit KLCC to see our student advisor.
While I was in KL, I stayed with Muz who was going to fly to German in January of 2008. Staying of Muz was great. He has not changed one bit. Still an easy going person and was still a great friend. While I was with him, the experience itself didn’t feel that great of a deal. But once I returned to Kuching and Japan, I began to appreaciate those moments. You can never go wrong with great friends like him I guess.
While I was in KL, I still messaged Cait everyday. The feeling was great to know that although you were so far away from someone, you could still talk to the person almost every moment of every day. For once, in my life, I was caring for someone who was also caring for me. However, the moment that made me realized I was never going to run away was the last day I was in KL.
Since Muz lived really far away from the airport, I told Muz I would stay overnight at KL Central while waiting for the morning bus to go to KLIA. While I was waiting at KL Central, Cait messaged me almost every minute. She said that she would stay awake as long as I would stay awake. That was the most romantic thing I have ever heard. I know it was such simple words but I was truly touched at that point. That made me realized what a beautiful girl she was. Let me say that again. That made me realize what a beautiful woman she is.
Since that trip to KL, every day I began to realize how beautiful she is. I asked her a question one day. The question was who inspired her the most in life. One day, while we were sitting at the park while waiting for Jerry and Azeezul (two new friends I have been hanging out with) to go and pee (not at the nearest coffee shop, isntead, they drove home to pee and left us waiting. idiots), she said she thought about the question and she finally figured out the answer. She said that the person who touched her the most was my mother for her courage and bravery in supporting this family on her own. That moment, I realized I made the right choice. She is the one.
I was not sure how long can I stay grounded but I know for sure, I am going to try.
After all, including this month, it has already been 4 months since we started. And I hoped it will last. But if it doesn’t, I won’t regret this experience at all. Cause Cait, you’ve showned me more than you know. I can’t imagine this chapter of my life without you in it. Thanks, Cait.
Coming Up Next In Chapter 4 : Everything (Michael Buble)
After three seasons, it's finally time for me to blog about people that matters most to me, my family. As this is the last season and probably the last time I will ever blog this much about my life, I want to dedicate the next few chapters to people who I really care.
p/s Thank you, Mark for the amazing header. Truly appreciate it. A round of applause to you.
I finally decided to try and step into unknown territor known as relationship. Although fearful of what could be, it was better to give it a go. However, the question remains if I could actually work this out. Or would I pull a houdini before anything great happens?
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
August 2007
After sealing the deal or if you want to make it more romantic, after agreeing to love in Venice, that morning, we met for the first time as a couple. I went to the nearest supermarket before meeting her at the park with the statue of dolphins near the place where I live and the place where she teaches music. I wanted to buy drinks for the two of us. Since I have no idea what are her favourite drinks, I just bought 5 and let her choose. When we met, my heart was pumping more blood to my brain that it has ever. There were quiet moments. And that is odd for my standard. There are barely any quiet moments with I am around. Sure, there are moments when you wish it was quiet, but no moments when it was actually quiet. I guess it was just a first date shiver.
As it turned out, it was right. As time passed by, I began to grow comfortable with the idea of sharing my life with someone. But it wasn’t long though before my fear started crawling back. Every day I woke up, I was so afraid that that day would be day we broke up. Every minute was becoming more and more escruciating. Every second was becoming more and more painful. But I made a promise to myself. I would try and make this last for as long as I could.
Lucky for me though, I already planned a trip to Kuala Lumpur for four days before returning to Kuching. So after going out for a week with Cait, I flew to KL to meet Ihsan, Nor and Iman. We were planning to go and see our new juniors as well as visit KLCC to see our student advisor.
While I was in KL, I stayed with Muz who was going to fly to German in January of 2008. Staying of Muz was great. He has not changed one bit. Still an easy going person and was still a great friend. While I was with him, the experience itself didn’t feel that great of a deal. But once I returned to Kuching and Japan, I began to appreaciate those moments. You can never go wrong with great friends like him I guess.
While I was in KL, I still messaged Cait everyday. The feeling was great to know that although you were so far away from someone, you could still talk to the person almost every moment of every day. For once, in my life, I was caring for someone who was also caring for me. However, the moment that made me realized I was never going to run away was the last day I was in KL.
Since Muz lived really far away from the airport, I told Muz I would stay overnight at KL Central while waiting for the morning bus to go to KLIA. While I was waiting at KL Central, Cait messaged me almost every minute. She said that she would stay awake as long as I would stay awake. That was the most romantic thing I have ever heard. I know it was such simple words but I was truly touched at that point. That made me realized what a beautiful girl she was. Let me say that again. That made me realize what a beautiful woman she is.
Since that trip to KL, every day I began to realize how beautiful she is. I asked her a question one day. The question was who inspired her the most in life. One day, while we were sitting at the park while waiting for Jerry and Azeezul (two new friends I have been hanging out with) to go and pee (not at the nearest coffee shop, isntead, they drove home to pee and left us waiting. idiots), she said she thought about the question and she finally figured out the answer. She said that the person who touched her the most was my mother for her courage and bravery in supporting this family on her own. That moment, I realized I made the right choice. She is the one.
I was not sure how long can I stay grounded but I know for sure, I am going to try.
After all, including this month, it has already been 4 months since we started. And I hoped it will last. But if it doesn’t, I won’t regret this experience at all. Cause Cait, you’ve showned me more than you know. I can’t imagine this chapter of my life without you in it. Thanks, Cait.
Coming Up Next In Chapter 4 : Everything (Michael Buble)
After three seasons, it's finally time for me to blog about people that matters most to me, my family. As this is the last season and probably the last time I will ever blog this much about my life, I want to dedicate the next few chapters to people who I really care.
p/s Thank you, Mark for the amazing header. Truly appreciate it. A round of applause to you.
Saturday, 15 December 2007
Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 2: Leap Of Faith (David Charvet)
Previously:
I returned to Kuching and found out that almost everything has changed. Anxious about how things will work out itself within the next two months of summer holiday in hometown, the story continues, not from this year`s August but rather from a few years back.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
15th August 2007
You can ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you that I probably have no fear. I am not afraid of speaking in public. I am not afraid of heights. In fact, I absolutely love rollercosters. I am not afraid of making a fool out of myself. Not that I don’t regret some of the stupid stunts I pulled like making a screeching Pikachu voice while I was in form 1 or the time I pretended to be a drake queen during a business presentation thinking that will capture people’s attention or the time that …okay, you do get the point (you do get the point right? i don't wish to go on and on with my wall of shame). I am not afraid of things. But if there is one thing that I am most afraid of it is commitment. The fear of knowing that these wings can no longer fly free .
If I were to be a psychologist (like Freud (my English teacher brought up his time several times last semester when discussing American history)), I will say that it was due to the fact that I grew up without a father. So I am used to doing everything on my own. Of course, this meant that I had no one to fall back on but it also meant that there was no one to hold me back as well. So at any point, I find myself caught up in a net (free the whales, go hayden!), I will start to panic. And this was exactly the case with me and relationships. Let’s look back at things that have happened so far.
Kuching
December 2004
Example no 1. Went to an ice carving festival with a girl. Found out that she likes me and decided to drive her to school. Realized that I didn't like her more than just a friend, I decided to be a gentleman, and called her the next day and said ‘tyre puncture. Sorry’ then called another Dominic to drive him to school. Since then, have not contacted her. (Thank god, I didn't give her this blog address, or else she would kill me. If she could find me, that is)
Kuching
January to June 2005
Example no 2. Went out with this girl for a month. Brought her to visit friends’ house during Hari Raya and brought her to friend’s party. In the car, she said that she had never went out with a guy before although many had asked her out. Thought that she was trying to tell me that I should lay off then realized how stupid I was for not closing the deal there and then. Still went out with her although the status was vague. Then finally, received scholarship offer and I disappeared for good.
Tokyo, Japan
January 2007
Example no 3. Knew this girl since I was 18. Funny girl. A bit loony but smart and pretty as well. Had this nasty relationship with another guy and when she finally ended it while she was in Japan, I managed to court her. It all happened on the rooftop. I asked the question and she said yes. The next morning I woke up, in sweats. Scared to death, I broke up after 18 hours. That was the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. (she got back with the evil man (or katak which means frog in Malay), if you must know)
Tokyo, Japan
Sometime in 2002
Example no 4. This had to be the funniest one of all. Knew this girl since I was 14. Sweet girl. Caring. Charming. Amazing. Great with music. Great with kids. Great with everything. Had a crush on her when I was 14. Dominic’s cousin btw. She was the first girl that got me nervous. Was once left with her in a room and all of a sudden, I went cuckoo. Needed to do something but didn’t know what to do.
So, instead, I went outside and stepped on branches.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Tokyo, Japan
December 2006
Found out 5 years later when I was in Tokyo, during an MSN conversation that she did had a crush on me as well. It was mutual after all and Dominic knew as well but didn’t bother telling me. Decided to let bygones be bygones and started fresh.
After chatting for a few months, I asked her if she was interested in long distance relationship. She said not sure and that she’ll think about it. I was like, ‘thank god’. Then she popped the question a month later, and I THOUGHT I said ‘let me think about it’. Since then didn’t hear from her since.
Hiyoshi, Kanagawa, Japan
March 2007
I asked her why she stopped talking to me and she asked me if I remembered my answer when she popped the question. Said no and she sent me a copy of our conversation that day. As it turned out, she asked if I was interested and I answered ‘sorry, not single anymore. Seeing someone’. My jaws dropped to the ground. (After picking my jaws back up,) I went what the heck. Why would I lied? Then it all makes sense. All the previous examples popped into my mind and I realized my worst fear. Commitments. Freak.
Kuching
August 2007
So yeah, all those were few of the examples I could think of. Upon returning to Japan, I began to see Example no 4 (Cait..hehe) again. Felt really bad for the way I left things. So we went out again. To be honest with you, during our first outing, I wasn’t even sure of our status, so I just assumed we were friends. We went for a drink then decided to drive all the way to the airport to try the new Starbucks cause we couldn’t think of another thing to do. The night went bad. My jokes were dry. My throat was constantly dry. So I constantly had to drink. The atmosphere was dry. God, please give me a sign…I pleaded quietly in my heart. And then the sign came. Let me rephrase that, the signS came.
As we walked out of the airport and towards my mum’s new black car, I couldn’t believe my eyes. This could go down as one of the more prominent moments in my life. As I look at my car, I see a stretch of white signs on the car. Signs from the above. They were indeed signs from the above. They were bird poops from the birds that was sitting on a steel on the roof of the airport bridge on top of where my car was parked. Of the many cars there, the only car that was pooped at was my car. I felt honored and proud at the same time. The one great thing that happened though was the two of us laughed. It was serendipity I guess.
Since that day, we went out for a few times. And each time, I felt more and more comfortable. Of course, I still felt like running away. I always do, especially when something good is happening to me. I am narsistic in a way. And finally one day, while in my cousin’s house, while he was fixing his gundam, I messaged her and asked her if she was willing to give this relationship a try. It took quite a few moments before I get the reply. But when I finally got it, it was worth the wait. It was a yes. My trip back to Kuching so far has been nothing but new experiences. My trip back has been about changes. And this time, a good change has come my way. A beautiful change. I am no longer single.
But owh no, here comes the hard part. The runaway scene.
Coming Up Next
I ran away to KL. Well, sorta ran away.
I returned to Kuching and found out that almost everything has changed. Anxious about how things will work out itself within the next two months of summer holiday in hometown, the story continues, not from this year`s August but rather from a few years back.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
15th August 2007
You can ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you that I probably have no fear. I am not afraid of speaking in public. I am not afraid of heights. In fact, I absolutely love rollercosters. I am not afraid of making a fool out of myself. Not that I don’t regret some of the stupid stunts I pulled like making a screeching Pikachu voice while I was in form 1 or the time I pretended to be a drake queen during a business presentation thinking that will capture people’s attention or the time that …okay, you do get the point (you do get the point right? i don't wish to go on and on with my wall of shame). I am not afraid of things. But if there is one thing that I am most afraid of it is commitment. The fear of knowing that these wings can no longer fly free .
If I were to be a psychologist (like Freud (my English teacher brought up his time several times last semester when discussing American history)), I will say that it was due to the fact that I grew up without a father. So I am used to doing everything on my own. Of course, this meant that I had no one to fall back on but it also meant that there was no one to hold me back as well. So at any point, I find myself caught up in a net (free the whales, go hayden!), I will start to panic. And this was exactly the case with me and relationships. Let’s look back at things that have happened so far.
Kuching
December 2004
Example no 1. Went to an ice carving festival with a girl. Found out that she likes me and decided to drive her to school. Realized that I didn't like her more than just a friend, I decided to be a gentleman, and called her the next day and said ‘tyre puncture. Sorry’ then called another Dominic to drive him to school. Since then, have not contacted her. (Thank god, I didn't give her this blog address, or else she would kill me. If she could find me, that is)
Kuching
January to June 2005
Example no 2. Went out with this girl for a month. Brought her to visit friends’ house during Hari Raya and brought her to friend’s party. In the car, she said that she had never went out with a guy before although many had asked her out. Thought that she was trying to tell me that I should lay off then realized how stupid I was for not closing the deal there and then. Still went out with her although the status was vague. Then finally, received scholarship offer and I disappeared for good.
Tokyo, Japan
January 2007
Example no 3. Knew this girl since I was 18. Funny girl. A bit loony but smart and pretty as well. Had this nasty relationship with another guy and when she finally ended it while she was in Japan, I managed to court her. It all happened on the rooftop. I asked the question and she said yes. The next morning I woke up, in sweats. Scared to death, I broke up after 18 hours. That was the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. (she got back with the evil man (or katak which means frog in Malay), if you must know)
Tokyo, Japan
Sometime in 2002
Example no 4. This had to be the funniest one of all. Knew this girl since I was 14. Sweet girl. Caring. Charming. Amazing. Great with music. Great with kids. Great with everything. Had a crush on her when I was 14. Dominic’s cousin btw. She was the first girl that got me nervous. Was once left with her in a room and all of a sudden, I went cuckoo. Needed to do something but didn’t know what to do.
So, instead, I went outside and stepped on branches.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Tokyo, Japan
December 2006
Found out 5 years later when I was in Tokyo, during an MSN conversation that she did had a crush on me as well. It was mutual after all and Dominic knew as well but didn’t bother telling me. Decided to let bygones be bygones and started fresh.
After chatting for a few months, I asked her if she was interested in long distance relationship. She said not sure and that she’ll think about it. I was like, ‘thank god’. Then she popped the question a month later, and I THOUGHT I said ‘let me think about it’. Since then didn’t hear from her since.
Hiyoshi, Kanagawa, Japan
March 2007
I asked her why she stopped talking to me and she asked me if I remembered my answer when she popped the question. Said no and she sent me a copy of our conversation that day. As it turned out, she asked if I was interested and I answered ‘sorry, not single anymore. Seeing someone’. My jaws dropped to the ground. (After picking my jaws back up,) I went what the heck. Why would I lied? Then it all makes sense. All the previous examples popped into my mind and I realized my worst fear. Commitments. Freak.
Kuching
August 2007
So yeah, all those were few of the examples I could think of. Upon returning to Japan, I began to see Example no 4 (Cait..hehe) again. Felt really bad for the way I left things. So we went out again. To be honest with you, during our first outing, I wasn’t even sure of our status, so I just assumed we were friends. We went for a drink then decided to drive all the way to the airport to try the new Starbucks cause we couldn’t think of another thing to do. The night went bad. My jokes were dry. My throat was constantly dry. So I constantly had to drink. The atmosphere was dry. God, please give me a sign…I pleaded quietly in my heart. And then the sign came. Let me rephrase that, the signS came.
As we walked out of the airport and towards my mum’s new black car, I couldn’t believe my eyes. This could go down as one of the more prominent moments in my life. As I look at my car, I see a stretch of white signs on the car. Signs from the above. They were indeed signs from the above. They were bird poops from the birds that was sitting on a steel on the roof of the airport bridge on top of where my car was parked. Of the many cars there, the only car that was pooped at was my car. I felt honored and proud at the same time. The one great thing that happened though was the two of us laughed. It was serendipity I guess.
Since that day, we went out for a few times. And each time, I felt more and more comfortable. Of course, I still felt like running away. I always do, especially when something good is happening to me. I am narsistic in a way. And finally one day, while in my cousin’s house, while he was fixing his gundam, I messaged her and asked her if she was willing to give this relationship a try. It took quite a few moments before I get the reply. But when I finally got it, it was worth the wait. It was a yes. My trip back to Kuching so far has been nothing but new experiences. My trip back has been about changes. And this time, a good change has come my way. A beautiful change. I am no longer single.
But owh no, here comes the hard part. The runaway scene.
Coming Up Next
I ran away to KL. Well, sorta ran away.
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