Previously :
I finally decided to try and step into unknown territor known as relationship. Although fearful of what could be, it was better to give it a go. However, the question remains if I could actually work this out. Or would I pull a houdini before anything great happens?
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
August 2007
After sealing the deal or if you want to make it more romantic, after agreeing to love in Venice, that morning, we met for the first time as a couple. I went to the nearest supermarket before meeting her at the park with the statue of dolphins near the place where I live and the place where she teaches music. I wanted to buy drinks for the two of us. Since I have no idea what are her favourite drinks, I just bought 5 and let her choose. When we met, my heart was pumping more blood to my brain that it has ever. There were quiet moments. And that is odd for my standard. There are barely any quiet moments with I am around. Sure, there are moments when you wish it was quiet, but no moments when it was actually quiet. I guess it was just a first date shiver.
As it turned out, it was right. As time passed by, I began to grow comfortable with the idea of sharing my life with someone. But it wasn’t long though before my fear started crawling back. Every day I woke up, I was so afraid that that day would be day we broke up. Every minute was becoming more and more escruciating. Every second was becoming more and more painful. But I made a promise to myself. I would try and make this last for as long as I could.
Lucky for me though, I already planned a trip to Kuala Lumpur for four days before returning to Kuching. So after going out for a week with Cait, I flew to KL to meet Ihsan, Nor and Iman. We were planning to go and see our new juniors as well as visit KLCC to see our student advisor.
While I was in KL, I stayed with Muz who was going to fly to German in January of 2008. Staying of Muz was great. He has not changed one bit. Still an easy going person and was still a great friend. While I was with him, the experience itself didn’t feel that great of a deal. But once I returned to Kuching and Japan, I began to appreaciate those moments. You can never go wrong with great friends like him I guess.
While I was in KL, I still messaged Cait everyday. The feeling was great to know that although you were so far away from someone, you could still talk to the person almost every moment of every day. For once, in my life, I was caring for someone who was also caring for me. However, the moment that made me realized I was never going to run away was the last day I was in KL.
Since Muz lived really far away from the airport, I told Muz I would stay overnight at KL Central while waiting for the morning bus to go to KLIA. While I was waiting at KL Central, Cait messaged me almost every minute. She said that she would stay awake as long as I would stay awake. That was the most romantic thing I have ever heard. I know it was such simple words but I was truly touched at that point. That made me realized what a beautiful girl she was. Let me say that again. That made me realize what a beautiful woman she is.
Since that trip to KL, every day I began to realize how beautiful she is. I asked her a question one day. The question was who inspired her the most in life. One day, while we were sitting at the park while waiting for Jerry and Azeezul (two new friends I have been hanging out with) to go and pee (not at the nearest coffee shop, isntead, they drove home to pee and left us waiting. idiots), she said she thought about the question and she finally figured out the answer. She said that the person who touched her the most was my mother for her courage and bravery in supporting this family on her own. That moment, I realized I made the right choice. She is the one.
I was not sure how long can I stay grounded but I know for sure, I am going to try.
After all, including this month, it has already been 4 months since we started. And I hoped it will last. But if it doesn’t, I won’t regret this experience at all. Cause Cait, you’ve showned me more than you know. I can’t imagine this chapter of my life without you in it. Thanks, Cait.
Coming Up Next In Chapter 4 : Everything (Michael Buble)
After three seasons, it's finally time for me to blog about people that matters most to me, my family. As this is the last season and probably the last time I will ever blog this much about my life, I want to dedicate the next few chapters to people who I really care.
p/s Thank you, Mark for the amazing header. Truly appreciate it. A round of applause to you.
Saturday, 22 December 2007
Saturday, 15 December 2007
Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 2: Leap Of Faith (David Charvet)
Previously:
I returned to Kuching and found out that almost everything has changed. Anxious about how things will work out itself within the next two months of summer holiday in hometown, the story continues, not from this year`s August but rather from a few years back.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
15th August 2007
You can ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you that I probably have no fear. I am not afraid of speaking in public. I am not afraid of heights. In fact, I absolutely love rollercosters. I am not afraid of making a fool out of myself. Not that I don’t regret some of the stupid stunts I pulled like making a screeching Pikachu voice while I was in form 1 or the time I pretended to be a drake queen during a business presentation thinking that will capture people’s attention or the time that …okay, you do get the point (you do get the point right? i don't wish to go on and on with my wall of shame). I am not afraid of things. But if there is one thing that I am most afraid of it is commitment. The fear of knowing that these wings can no longer fly free .
If I were to be a psychologist (like Freud (my English teacher brought up his time several times last semester when discussing American history)), I will say that it was due to the fact that I grew up without a father. So I am used to doing everything on my own. Of course, this meant that I had no one to fall back on but it also meant that there was no one to hold me back as well. So at any point, I find myself caught up in a net (free the whales, go hayden!), I will start to panic. And this was exactly the case with me and relationships. Let’s look back at things that have happened so far.
Kuching
December 2004
Example no 1. Went to an ice carving festival with a girl. Found out that she likes me and decided to drive her to school. Realized that I didn't like her more than just a friend, I decided to be a gentleman, and called her the next day and said ‘tyre puncture. Sorry’ then called another Dominic to drive him to school. Since then, have not contacted her. (Thank god, I didn't give her this blog address, or else she would kill me. If she could find me, that is)
Kuching
January to June 2005
Example no 2. Went out with this girl for a month. Brought her to visit friends’ house during Hari Raya and brought her to friend’s party. In the car, she said that she had never went out with a guy before although many had asked her out. Thought that she was trying to tell me that I should lay off then realized how stupid I was for not closing the deal there and then. Still went out with her although the status was vague. Then finally, received scholarship offer and I disappeared for good.
Tokyo, Japan
January 2007
Example no 3. Knew this girl since I was 18. Funny girl. A bit loony but smart and pretty as well. Had this nasty relationship with another guy and when she finally ended it while she was in Japan, I managed to court her. It all happened on the rooftop. I asked the question and she said yes. The next morning I woke up, in sweats. Scared to death, I broke up after 18 hours. That was the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. (she got back with the evil man (or katak which means frog in Malay), if you must know)
Tokyo, Japan
Sometime in 2002
Example no 4. This had to be the funniest one of all. Knew this girl since I was 14. Sweet girl. Caring. Charming. Amazing. Great with music. Great with kids. Great with everything. Had a crush on her when I was 14. Dominic’s cousin btw. She was the first girl that got me nervous. Was once left with her in a room and all of a sudden, I went cuckoo. Needed to do something but didn’t know what to do.
So, instead, I went outside and stepped on branches.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Tokyo, Japan
December 2006
Found out 5 years later when I was in Tokyo, during an MSN conversation that she did had a crush on me as well. It was mutual after all and Dominic knew as well but didn’t bother telling me. Decided to let bygones be bygones and started fresh.
After chatting for a few months, I asked her if she was interested in long distance relationship. She said not sure and that she’ll think about it. I was like, ‘thank god’. Then she popped the question a month later, and I THOUGHT I said ‘let me think about it’. Since then didn’t hear from her since.
Hiyoshi, Kanagawa, Japan
March 2007
I asked her why she stopped talking to me and she asked me if I remembered my answer when she popped the question. Said no and she sent me a copy of our conversation that day. As it turned out, she asked if I was interested and I answered ‘sorry, not single anymore. Seeing someone’. My jaws dropped to the ground. (After picking my jaws back up,) I went what the heck. Why would I lied? Then it all makes sense. All the previous examples popped into my mind and I realized my worst fear. Commitments. Freak.
Kuching
August 2007
So yeah, all those were few of the examples I could think of. Upon returning to Japan, I began to see Example no 4 (Cait..hehe) again. Felt really bad for the way I left things. So we went out again. To be honest with you, during our first outing, I wasn’t even sure of our status, so I just assumed we were friends. We went for a drink then decided to drive all the way to the airport to try the new Starbucks cause we couldn’t think of another thing to do. The night went bad. My jokes were dry. My throat was constantly dry. So I constantly had to drink. The atmosphere was dry. God, please give me a sign…I pleaded quietly in my heart. And then the sign came. Let me rephrase that, the signS came.
As we walked out of the airport and towards my mum’s new black car, I couldn’t believe my eyes. This could go down as one of the more prominent moments in my life. As I look at my car, I see a stretch of white signs on the car. Signs from the above. They were indeed signs from the above. They were bird poops from the birds that was sitting on a steel on the roof of the airport bridge on top of where my car was parked. Of the many cars there, the only car that was pooped at was my car. I felt honored and proud at the same time. The one great thing that happened though was the two of us laughed. It was serendipity I guess.
Since that day, we went out for a few times. And each time, I felt more and more comfortable. Of course, I still felt like running away. I always do, especially when something good is happening to me. I am narsistic in a way. And finally one day, while in my cousin’s house, while he was fixing his gundam, I messaged her and asked her if she was willing to give this relationship a try. It took quite a few moments before I get the reply. But when I finally got it, it was worth the wait. It was a yes. My trip back to Kuching so far has been nothing but new experiences. My trip back has been about changes. And this time, a good change has come my way. A beautiful change. I am no longer single.
But owh no, here comes the hard part. The runaway scene.
Coming Up Next
I ran away to KL. Well, sorta ran away.
I returned to Kuching and found out that almost everything has changed. Anxious about how things will work out itself within the next two months of summer holiday in hometown, the story continues, not from this year`s August but rather from a few years back.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Kuching
15th August 2007
You can ask anyone that knows me and they will tell you that I probably have no fear. I am not afraid of speaking in public. I am not afraid of heights. In fact, I absolutely love rollercosters. I am not afraid of making a fool out of myself. Not that I don’t regret some of the stupid stunts I pulled like making a screeching Pikachu voice while I was in form 1 or the time I pretended to be a drake queen during a business presentation thinking that will capture people’s attention or the time that …okay, you do get the point (you do get the point right? i don't wish to go on and on with my wall of shame). I am not afraid of things. But if there is one thing that I am most afraid of it is commitment. The fear of knowing that these wings can no longer fly free .
If I were to be a psychologist (like Freud (my English teacher brought up his time several times last semester when discussing American history)), I will say that it was due to the fact that I grew up without a father. So I am used to doing everything on my own. Of course, this meant that I had no one to fall back on but it also meant that there was no one to hold me back as well. So at any point, I find myself caught up in a net (free the whales, go hayden!), I will start to panic. And this was exactly the case with me and relationships. Let’s look back at things that have happened so far.
Kuching
December 2004
Example no 1. Went to an ice carving festival with a girl. Found out that she likes me and decided to drive her to school. Realized that I didn't like her more than just a friend, I decided to be a gentleman, and called her the next day and said ‘tyre puncture. Sorry’ then called another Dominic to drive him to school. Since then, have not contacted her. (Thank god, I didn't give her this blog address, or else she would kill me. If she could find me, that is)
Kuching
January to June 2005
Example no 2. Went out with this girl for a month. Brought her to visit friends’ house during Hari Raya and brought her to friend’s party. In the car, she said that she had never went out with a guy before although many had asked her out. Thought that she was trying to tell me that I should lay off then realized how stupid I was for not closing the deal there and then. Still went out with her although the status was vague. Then finally, received scholarship offer and I disappeared for good.
Tokyo, Japan
January 2007
Example no 3. Knew this girl since I was 18. Funny girl. A bit loony but smart and pretty as well. Had this nasty relationship with another guy and when she finally ended it while she was in Japan, I managed to court her. It all happened on the rooftop. I asked the question and she said yes. The next morning I woke up, in sweats. Scared to death, I broke up after 18 hours. That was the longest relationship I’ve ever been in. (she got back with the evil man (or katak which means frog in Malay), if you must know)
Tokyo, Japan
Sometime in 2002
Example no 4. This had to be the funniest one of all. Knew this girl since I was 14. Sweet girl. Caring. Charming. Amazing. Great with music. Great with kids. Great with everything. Had a crush on her when I was 14. Dominic’s cousin btw. She was the first girl that got me nervous. Was once left with her in a room and all of a sudden, I went cuckoo. Needed to do something but didn’t know what to do.
So, instead, I went outside and stepped on branches.
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
Tokyo, Japan
December 2006
Found out 5 years later when I was in Tokyo, during an MSN conversation that she did had a crush on me as well. It was mutual after all and Dominic knew as well but didn’t bother telling me. Decided to let bygones be bygones and started fresh.
After chatting for a few months, I asked her if she was interested in long distance relationship. She said not sure and that she’ll think about it. I was like, ‘thank god’. Then she popped the question a month later, and I THOUGHT I said ‘let me think about it’. Since then didn’t hear from her since.
Hiyoshi, Kanagawa, Japan
March 2007
I asked her why she stopped talking to me and she asked me if I remembered my answer when she popped the question. Said no and she sent me a copy of our conversation that day. As it turned out, she asked if I was interested and I answered ‘sorry, not single anymore. Seeing someone’. My jaws dropped to the ground. (After picking my jaws back up,) I went what the heck. Why would I lied? Then it all makes sense. All the previous examples popped into my mind and I realized my worst fear. Commitments. Freak.
Kuching
August 2007
So yeah, all those were few of the examples I could think of. Upon returning to Japan, I began to see Example no 4 (Cait..hehe) again. Felt really bad for the way I left things. So we went out again. To be honest with you, during our first outing, I wasn’t even sure of our status, so I just assumed we were friends. We went for a drink then decided to drive all the way to the airport to try the new Starbucks cause we couldn’t think of another thing to do. The night went bad. My jokes were dry. My throat was constantly dry. So I constantly had to drink. The atmosphere was dry. God, please give me a sign…I pleaded quietly in my heart. And then the sign came. Let me rephrase that, the signS came.
As we walked out of the airport and towards my mum’s new black car, I couldn’t believe my eyes. This could go down as one of the more prominent moments in my life. As I look at my car, I see a stretch of white signs on the car. Signs from the above. They were indeed signs from the above. They were bird poops from the birds that was sitting on a steel on the roof of the airport bridge on top of where my car was parked. Of the many cars there, the only car that was pooped at was my car. I felt honored and proud at the same time. The one great thing that happened though was the two of us laughed. It was serendipity I guess.
Since that day, we went out for a few times. And each time, I felt more and more comfortable. Of course, I still felt like running away. I always do, especially when something good is happening to me. I am narsistic in a way. And finally one day, while in my cousin’s house, while he was fixing his gundam, I messaged her and asked her if she was willing to give this relationship a try. It took quite a few moments before I get the reply. But when I finally got it, it was worth the wait. It was a yes. My trip back to Kuching so far has been nothing but new experiences. My trip back has been about changes. And this time, a good change has come my way. A beautiful change. I am no longer single.
But owh no, here comes the hard part. The runaway scene.
Coming Up Next
I ran away to KL. Well, sorta ran away.
Monday, 10 December 2007
Turning 2.0 Season 3 Chapter 1 : Change (Sugababes)
Previously :
After two seasons of Turning 2.0, of looking back at the past, I realized how far I've come. From going through a rollercoaster ride during my teenage years to finding out about my biological father, I can't really complain about life being uninteresting. But that's all in the past. It's time to deal with the present.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Narita International Airport / Kuala Lumpur International Airport / Kuching International Airport
11th August 2007
The last time I went back to Malaysia was a year and a half ago. When I was back in March of 2006, everything was exactly the way they were when I left in October 2005. All my friends were there. I went out with most of them to have drink at McDonalds or any of the low cost coffee shops. Norman, Dominic (and his new friend, Canitius – nice fellow, btw) and Jia Hsien. The same gang. All the places in Kuching were still the same. It felt like as if time has not passed by. And of course, I still had two fathers. One ran away and the other at home, doing nothing.
As I board the plan this time around, something told me that nothing’s going to be the same. For once, this time around, I am not going back with Ihsan and the gang. We initially planned to go back to together. We even bought the same cheap ticket from the same agent together. But unfortunately, the (fudging idiotic) agent swindled our money and pulled a Houdini on us. RM 1500 poofed just like that. Thus, all of us had to buy our own tickets at the very last minute and we all ended up with different tickets. My ticket cost almost RM 3000. It broke my heart to see my money fly away just like that. Sigh.
As I arrived at the KLIA International Airport, I walked to the cafetaria. After a plate of Chicken Rice (ahhh….something does stay the same…the nice old chicken rice..miss ya so…), I went to the toilet to freshen myself up with a splash of water. As I looked at my reflection, I see the physical signs of change. I got chubbier. Sigh….At least I’ll be a hit among old women who would just love to pinch my cheek. While thinking about what other things that might have changed, I strolled around KLIA and finally when my flight to Kuching was boarding, I ran to the gates. Something just never changes. I still procrastinate.
Arriving at the new Kuching International (just because it flies to Australia as well) Airport, it began to hit me on how major the new changes are going to be. The new Kuching airport seemed so different from last time around. It smelled different, it looked different, it was very different. Even my cousin who came to greet me was different. He, who used to be this tall bloke, was now a lump of fat (well, almost a lump of fat. Just slightly chubbier I guess. His excuse was that after hurting himself after falling down the stairs (that was what he told his mother but in actual fact he hurt himself while playing basketball), he didn’t have time to exercise…). His new girlfriend was also slightly different. Much more sporting. Almost like a guy. LOL.
My plan was to come back a day earlier and surprise my mother. So I went back home and realized the house was locked. So I decided to climb in through the back window like how I always did. That didn’t go very well. The window was locked as well. Sigh…so while I try and figure another way in, all Mark (my cousin) had to do was to push the door a bit, and the door opened itself like a flower blooming on an August day. Sigh. The house itself was very different. My mother repainted it. And there were two refrigerators.
As I wait for my mother to arrive (from selling food from pub to pub from 10pm to 2am at night with my bro and sis and two other workers who were helping her), I arranged the gifts I brought back from Japan for them. I felt like Santa Claus for once which was appropriate since my aunt gave me the name Nicholas when I was born. I guessed I was hoping that the gifts will somehow make up for not being by their side for the past one and a half year. I brought something from everyone. While arranging it, I kept thinking about the amount of money I owe my friends. Sigh…should have been more careful with my budget, but still it felt worth it at the end of the day. We can always make more money anyway.
My family finally arrived. My mum was surprised but for not more than 5 minutes. She spent the next half an hour blabbing on how I tricked her. Laugh out loud. My brother was busy opening his Gundam toys that I bought for him. Gosh, he was tall. And his voice matured. Then again, he was 12. What else did I expect from a 12 year old? Obviously kids his age bound to change. My sister, still had her long hair and she seemed to be slightly more bitchy though, in a good caring way though. She nagged more like a mother these days. My whole family seemed to be very happy. The biggest change however, was the gifts. This year, I brought something for my stepdad. I guess after finding out both of my dads were dead, I began to realize that I only have one living father now. And like it or not, no matter how useless he may be, he was still MY useless father. And to give him credit, he is changing. Slowly but towards the better.
After unpacking everything (who am I kidding. I just left all of them at the side of my bed), I went to lie on my bed. It is official now. Most things changed. Even my friends changed. Most of my friends were elsewhere. Dominic was in north Peninsular Malaysia, in a little fishing state of Terengganu. Jia Hsien was in United States. All I had was Norman, and even with him, we were not as close anymore (I guess we just grew separate ways). I have no idea how life was going to be this next few months. But I had a feeling. Things were still going to be great. And something big was coming my way. The question is what?
Coming up next on Chapter 2 : Leap of Faith (David Charvet) 15th December 2007:
A Turning 2.0 personal Sex and the City. My personal Shrek. Stay tuned.
After two seasons of Turning 2.0, of looking back at the past, I realized how far I've come. From going through a rollercoaster ride during my teenage years to finding out about my biological father, I can't really complain about life being uninteresting. But that's all in the past. It's time to deal with the present.
"The past will always be there. And the past will never change. The only thing we can do is try and change the present for a better future. The only thing we can do is try to enjoy the present and find a silver lining in everything we encounter. Blessing in disguise, as some might say. I am counting my blessings everyday"
Narita International Airport / Kuala Lumpur International Airport / Kuching International Airport
11th August 2007
The last time I went back to Malaysia was a year and a half ago. When I was back in March of 2006, everything was exactly the way they were when I left in October 2005. All my friends were there. I went out with most of them to have drink at McDonalds or any of the low cost coffee shops. Norman, Dominic (and his new friend, Canitius – nice fellow, btw) and Jia Hsien. The same gang. All the places in Kuching were still the same. It felt like as if time has not passed by. And of course, I still had two fathers. One ran away and the other at home, doing nothing.
As I board the plan this time around, something told me that nothing’s going to be the same. For once, this time around, I am not going back with Ihsan and the gang. We initially planned to go back to together. We even bought the same cheap ticket from the same agent together. But unfortunately, the (fudging idiotic) agent swindled our money and pulled a Houdini on us. RM 1500 poofed just like that. Thus, all of us had to buy our own tickets at the very last minute and we all ended up with different tickets. My ticket cost almost RM 3000. It broke my heart to see my money fly away just like that. Sigh.
As I arrived at the KLIA International Airport, I walked to the cafetaria. After a plate of Chicken Rice (ahhh….something does stay the same…the nice old chicken rice..miss ya so…), I went to the toilet to freshen myself up with a splash of water. As I looked at my reflection, I see the physical signs of change. I got chubbier. Sigh….At least I’ll be a hit among old women who would just love to pinch my cheek. While thinking about what other things that might have changed, I strolled around KLIA and finally when my flight to Kuching was boarding, I ran to the gates. Something just never changes. I still procrastinate.
Arriving at the new Kuching International (just because it flies to Australia as well) Airport, it began to hit me on how major the new changes are going to be. The new Kuching airport seemed so different from last time around. It smelled different, it looked different, it was very different. Even my cousin who came to greet me was different. He, who used to be this tall bloke, was now a lump of fat (well, almost a lump of fat. Just slightly chubbier I guess. His excuse was that after hurting himself after falling down the stairs (that was what he told his mother but in actual fact he hurt himself while playing basketball), he didn’t have time to exercise…). His new girlfriend was also slightly different. Much more sporting. Almost like a guy. LOL.
My plan was to come back a day earlier and surprise my mother. So I went back home and realized the house was locked. So I decided to climb in through the back window like how I always did. That didn’t go very well. The window was locked as well. Sigh…so while I try and figure another way in, all Mark (my cousin) had to do was to push the door a bit, and the door opened itself like a flower blooming on an August day. Sigh. The house itself was very different. My mother repainted it. And there were two refrigerators.
As I wait for my mother to arrive (from selling food from pub to pub from 10pm to 2am at night with my bro and sis and two other workers who were helping her), I arranged the gifts I brought back from Japan for them. I felt like Santa Claus for once which was appropriate since my aunt gave me the name Nicholas when I was born. I guessed I was hoping that the gifts will somehow make up for not being by their side for the past one and a half year. I brought something from everyone. While arranging it, I kept thinking about the amount of money I owe my friends. Sigh…should have been more careful with my budget, but still it felt worth it at the end of the day. We can always make more money anyway.
My family finally arrived. My mum was surprised but for not more than 5 minutes. She spent the next half an hour blabbing on how I tricked her. Laugh out loud. My brother was busy opening his Gundam toys that I bought for him. Gosh, he was tall. And his voice matured. Then again, he was 12. What else did I expect from a 12 year old? Obviously kids his age bound to change. My sister, still had her long hair and she seemed to be slightly more bitchy though, in a good caring way though. She nagged more like a mother these days. My whole family seemed to be very happy. The biggest change however, was the gifts. This year, I brought something for my stepdad. I guess after finding out both of my dads were dead, I began to realize that I only have one living father now. And like it or not, no matter how useless he may be, he was still MY useless father. And to give him credit, he is changing. Slowly but towards the better.
After unpacking everything (who am I kidding. I just left all of them at the side of my bed), I went to lie on my bed. It is official now. Most things changed. Even my friends changed. Most of my friends were elsewhere. Dominic was in north Peninsular Malaysia, in a little fishing state of Terengganu. Jia Hsien was in United States. All I had was Norman, and even with him, we were not as close anymore (I guess we just grew separate ways). I have no idea how life was going to be this next few months. But I had a feeling. Things were still going to be great. And something big was coming my way. The question is what?
Coming up next on Chapter 2 : Leap of Faith (David Charvet) 15th December 2007:
A Turning 2.0 personal Sex and the City. My personal Shrek. Stay tuned.
Thursday, 29 November 2007
Not A Frequent Blogger
Gosh, I remember starting this blog a few months ago, all excited to blog every single week but lately I've become slightly lazy. Don't get me wrong, the excitement is still there but laziness is just slightly more powerful. I guess since I am having holiday this past week, I've entered the 'whatever' phase and just sit around the whole day doing nothing. Those days are over though....
It's time to shift to the high gear. With exams coming up in a month or so, it's time to buckle up. And guess what...I am going to blog a little bit more frequently these next few weeks. Ooohh speaking of which, new chapters for Turning 2.0 will premier this weekend. I cannot believe it. It's been a year. Gosh...time does pass by quickly when you're not counting down the days.
Until this weekend, see ya and take care.
It's time to shift to the high gear. With exams coming up in a month or so, it's time to buckle up. And guess what...I am going to blog a little bit more frequently these next few weeks. Ooohh speaking of which, new chapters for Turning 2.0 will premier this weekend. I cannot believe it. It's been a year. Gosh...time does pass by quickly when you're not counting down the days.
Until this weekend, see ya and take care.
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Updates! Updates! and More Updates!
This is the most relaxing week I've had for the last two months. I have holiday this whole week from yesterday all the way to next Monday. In Japan (not sure about other countries so dont dare to comment), all universities (if not all, most) have this university festival. That means that for all that are organizing an event, it's a very hectic week but for people who could bother less, it's a lazy week. I am having a lazy week so I guess you sort of figure out what I will be contributing to the event. Well, since this is my first year, I am going to take it easy. I have every intention of participating next year though. I am still going to the festival itself with some friends (hopefully...if they don't pull a rain check) this coming Thursday or Saturday.
So what have I been doing? Just sitting around, doing nothing and watching television while doing some sit ups and playing with my dumbbells. A dude's got to work out eventually or else his belly is going to bulge so high, it can be a personal Mount Everest. I used to think that it was impossible for me to become fat but recently I realized that that is just a myth. Especially since I gained a miraculous 5 kg the last time I went back. Well, I wont call it miraculous considering the frequency of me having lunch and dinner. It was like twice or three times of lunch a day. LOL. But yeah, need to put in some exercise before I become the next big pile of fat.
Apart from my televison marathon, I also have other things planned for this coming Friday and Saturday though. On Friday, I would have to go for an interview for a tutoring job at a cram school. This job is very important as I want to travel a bit before graduating. In order to travel, I need money. In order to get money, I need to work (or steal..but seeing that is illegal..i have no other choice but to work). Hopefully by next year, I can go and visit Jia Hsien in the US. Hopefully. Right after the interview, I need to go for this dinner with our ex student advisor but now the current CEO of Mitco Japan who is stationed in KL now. He would be coming to Japan this Friday though so all of us, Petronas scholars would meet up with him. For some unknown reason, I am terrified of him. He reminds me of a father I never have. LOL. Then on Saturday, I need to go for another job interview. Just in case the other one doesnt work out.
Arghhh...not forgetting the report and assignments that I need to complete. As well as catching up with some reading for some of my lectures. I guess this week aint that free after all. Well, I guess I should be grateful since I still get to wake up late. Hehehehe...the pleasure of waking up late is something no one can ever dispute..Instead of having another few minutes of sleep like my usual days, I get to have a few more hours of sleep...
Owh before I forget, I just finished Turning 2.0 Season 3. If everything works out according to schedule, the season will premier next Saturday, December 1st. The list of chapters for the whole of Season 3 is as following:
Chapter 1: Change (Sugababes)
Chapter 2: Leap Of Faith (David Charvet)
Chapter 3: Try (Nelly Furtado)
Chapter 4: Everything (Michael Buble)
Chapter 5: Headlines (Friendship Never Ends) (Spice Girls)
Chapter 6: Somewhere Out There (Our Lady Peace)
Chapter 7: Baby Goodbye (Friday Hill)
Chapter 8: Leaving On a Jet Plane (Chantal)
Chapter 9: Rootless Tree (Damien Rice)
Chapter 10: Torn (Natalie Imbruglia)
Chapter 11: Taking Off (Naza)
Chapter 12: Turning 2.1
If all works out right, Chapter 1 to Chapter 11 will be posted from 1st of December until 2nd of February. In respect of its title, Turning 2.1, the last chapter will be posted a day after my birthday, March 27th of next year. And also there may be an additional chapter right before Chapter 9 but that is still left undetermined. We'll see how it goes. Or more like I'll see how my mood goes.
Until then, see ya.
So what have I been doing? Just sitting around, doing nothing and watching television while doing some sit ups and playing with my dumbbells. A dude's got to work out eventually or else his belly is going to bulge so high, it can be a personal Mount Everest. I used to think that it was impossible for me to become fat but recently I realized that that is just a myth. Especially since I gained a miraculous 5 kg the last time I went back. Well, I wont call it miraculous considering the frequency of me having lunch and dinner. It was like twice or three times of lunch a day. LOL. But yeah, need to put in some exercise before I become the next big pile of fat.
Apart from my televison marathon, I also have other things planned for this coming Friday and Saturday though. On Friday, I would have to go for an interview for a tutoring job at a cram school. This job is very important as I want to travel a bit before graduating. In order to travel, I need money. In order to get money, I need to work (or steal..but seeing that is illegal..i have no other choice but to work). Hopefully by next year, I can go and visit Jia Hsien in the US. Hopefully. Right after the interview, I need to go for this dinner with our ex student advisor but now the current CEO of Mitco Japan who is stationed in KL now. He would be coming to Japan this Friday though so all of us, Petronas scholars would meet up with him. For some unknown reason, I am terrified of him. He reminds me of a father I never have. LOL. Then on Saturday, I need to go for another job interview. Just in case the other one doesnt work out.
Arghhh...not forgetting the report and assignments that I need to complete. As well as catching up with some reading for some of my lectures. I guess this week aint that free after all. Well, I guess I should be grateful since I still get to wake up late. Hehehehe...the pleasure of waking up late is something no one can ever dispute..Instead of having another few minutes of sleep like my usual days, I get to have a few more hours of sleep...
Owh before I forget, I just finished Turning 2.0 Season 3. If everything works out according to schedule, the season will premier next Saturday, December 1st. The list of chapters for the whole of Season 3 is as following:
Chapter 1: Change (Sugababes)
Chapter 2: Leap Of Faith (David Charvet)
Chapter 3: Try (Nelly Furtado)
Chapter 4: Everything (Michael Buble)
Chapter 5: Headlines (Friendship Never Ends) (Spice Girls)
Chapter 6: Somewhere Out There (Our Lady Peace)
Chapter 7: Baby Goodbye (Friday Hill)
Chapter 8: Leaving On a Jet Plane (Chantal)
Chapter 9: Rootless Tree (Damien Rice)
Chapter 10: Torn (Natalie Imbruglia)
Chapter 11: Taking Off (Naza)
Chapter 12: Turning 2.1
If all works out right, Chapter 1 to Chapter 11 will be posted from 1st of December until 2nd of February. In respect of its title, Turning 2.1, the last chapter will be posted a day after my birthday, March 27th of next year. And also there may be an additional chapter right before Chapter 9 but that is still left undetermined. We'll see how it goes. Or more like I'll see how my mood goes.
Until then, see ya.
Monday, 12 November 2007
God's Gift To Everyone : Potential
Yesterday, while doing nothing, I decided to pick up a book and read. I borrowed a book (well, not actually borrowed. I made a deal with a teacher/friend in my university. He enjoys reading so much that he reads like two to three books a week. I, on the other hand, is not such a huge fan of reading. In fact to come to think of it, apart from text books...I don't really ready anything else except for the foolish programme NILAM that they introduced in high school last time which got me started on Wishbones and Bookworm. However, ever since meeting Clyde, the guy mentioned above, he got me into reading this book entitled Freakonomics. Interesting book. I don't necessarily agree with everything but still it offered a different perspective. After reading that book, I decided that I want to read more. So I made a deal with Clyde. I agreed to pay a quarter for the books he bought and I will get to keep it as long as I have not finished reading the book. A good deal since..1) I have to pay, so I am more inclined to read...2) since the book is still not mine, I will not shove it into some shelves as a gift to the spiders..So yeah, where were I...owh that's right..I was talking about the book. I borrowed a book) entitled Secrets Of The Millionaire Mind.
This book mentioned about how the rich people think and to be honest with you, I have never been so impressed in my life. Half of what was mentioned in the book (half cause I only read half. Plan to finish it tomorow though) got me thinking "damn, if only I found this book earlier, I wouldnt be in such deep financial poop". The part that got me going the most was the part that mentioned how our financial blueprint in this little head of ours was actually programmed from the day we can understand the world. It mentioned that if we were to grow up with a negative conotation of money, we would most probably be broke. Cause since we link money with the root of all evil (as Karl Marx would say it), automaticaly we refuse to be rich cause no human being in their right mind would want to be someone they hate. So after reading half the book, I began to realize that I spend just like my mother. We have the same financial blueprint. The "here today, gone tomorow" financial blue print. It does not matter how much I make, I would still lose all the money because that was how I was programmed. Upon reading that, I realized I need to reprogramme myself.
The second thing that was written in the book didn't really surprise me that much. It said that all complainers are garbage collectors. That I knew a long time already...Most people that complain are usually bottom feeders. But the one thing that impressed me was the explaination that the book gave. It all had to do with the Law of Attraction. If we're complaining about crap, which makes us crappy, what are we going to attract? Surprise, surprise...more crap. LOL. How insightful. That explains why whiners usually attract each other.
The last thing that was mentioned in the last pages of half of the book I read made me realize one thing. God has given everyone something special. A potential. This potential can be something beautiful but only and if only, we groom it to be beautiful. If we leave it untouch, it will forever be rough and wasted. Anyone who refused to develop this gift of theirs is selfish. Only through understanding your gift and realizing your potential, you can start to feel fulfillemnt and be content cause finally, you are giving back to the society. After reading that, I realized what is my next move already. Wish me luck.
This book mentioned about how the rich people think and to be honest with you, I have never been so impressed in my life. Half of what was mentioned in the book (half cause I only read half. Plan to finish it tomorow though) got me thinking "damn, if only I found this book earlier, I wouldnt be in such deep financial poop". The part that got me going the most was the part that mentioned how our financial blueprint in this little head of ours was actually programmed from the day we can understand the world. It mentioned that if we were to grow up with a negative conotation of money, we would most probably be broke. Cause since we link money with the root of all evil (as Karl Marx would say it), automaticaly we refuse to be rich cause no human being in their right mind would want to be someone they hate. So after reading half the book, I began to realize that I spend just like my mother. We have the same financial blueprint. The "here today, gone tomorow" financial blue print. It does not matter how much I make, I would still lose all the money because that was how I was programmed. Upon reading that, I realized I need to reprogramme myself.
The second thing that was written in the book didn't really surprise me that much. It said that all complainers are garbage collectors. That I knew a long time already...Most people that complain are usually bottom feeders. But the one thing that impressed me was the explaination that the book gave. It all had to do with the Law of Attraction. If we're complaining about crap, which makes us crappy, what are we going to attract? Surprise, surprise...more crap. LOL. How insightful. That explains why whiners usually attract each other.
The last thing that was mentioned in the last pages of half of the book I read made me realize one thing. God has given everyone something special. A potential. This potential can be something beautiful but only and if only, we groom it to be beautiful. If we leave it untouch, it will forever be rough and wasted. Anyone who refused to develop this gift of theirs is selfish. Only through understanding your gift and realizing your potential, you can start to feel fulfillemnt and be content cause finally, you are giving back to the society. After reading that, I realized what is my next move already. Wish me luck.
Wednesday, 7 November 2007
Turning 2.0 Season 2: Chapter 5 New Day (Shapeshifters)
Previously
I found out that I have this new father that I never knew existed before. And then I anticipated my university result..
“The truth can become a lie in a matter of seconds. When that happens and your whole world comes crashing down, what do you do? Do you accept the new truth and try and adjust your life to the new information that you just found out? Or do you simply discard the new piece of information and pretend like nothing ever happened? Either way, life will never be the same again”
26th of July 2007, Hiyoshi, Japan
University life started two months ago. To be honest with you, things have not been working out fine for me. After finding out about my biological father, I didn’t have much time to think about him. The day after that phone conversation with my mum, the university result came out and I was accepted into Keio University, what was supposed to be the best private university in Japan. Despite the magnitude of the event, I wasn’t all that happy with it. In spite of recent events, I guessed the happiness was balanced by the sadness. Hence, I feel nothing. But yeah, after the result came out, I started to tutor English to earn some extra cash. So two months before entering university, I kept myself busy by watching TV shows and tutoring English as well as with the university entrance procedures.
Even when I have time to think about my father, I came to the conclusion that it was a good thing. Now, instead of having to explain what my second father has been up to since the divorce, I can just say that my father died when I was three and my mum remarried to a Muslim. Hence, the name is Nazaruddin Abdullah. I also successfully manage to make full use of the story and used it as a material for a speech competition which I came in second place. So everything seemed great. Note the word seemed.
The problem that I thought was solved was merely neglected. And it came back to haunt me during the first few months of university. Being frustrated with the language barrier and stuff, I began to lose all interest in going to class. Instead I chose to stay home and feel sorry for myself all day. Every day I wake up promising myself that today was the day I was going to change but by the time the day came to an end, I was back to my old self. I even took a week off in May, which wasn’t recognized by the school, thus it meant that I skipped classes and would be penalized for it. I took the week off in hopes of finding a way to end this Great Depression but it didn’t work. Instead, it caused me to drown even more. So much for trying to apply the Keynes theory into my private life.
Surprisingly enough, once again friends came to the rescue. And this time, they were all new friends. There were these girls that are from China (as it turned out some of them are human droids but with hearts and compassion) that were so nice to me. They would talk to me and befriend me and in return, I helped one of them out with English. And then there were these Japanese friends who were different from the normal Japanese. They were able to think outside the wavelength of normal Japanese. Days passed by and I was slowly enjoying myself. Soon, I was back to my old self again. I look forward to going to classes.
But no actions come unpunished. Because of my absence from a few classes, I needed to explain to the teachers why I couldn’t turn up to class. That was when I scratched my head and came up with the idea of seeing the school shrink. Perhaps if I were to tell her my problems, she would kindly tell my teachers that I have some illness. Laugh out loud. I went to see her because of two reasons. First, I needed an excuse and second, the school fee covered these expenses as well. But never have I thought that seeing her would have actually helped me in any way. And it did.
I began to tell her about my situation and she listened. The one dilemma that I have left was whether or not I should rekindle with my biological father’s family or not. It was the dilemma of simply living the live I have now or trying to revive a life that I never had. The one advice that she offered me was when I go to Malaysia for the summer vacation which would start in less than three weeks time, I should just go and see them. She said it best when she said that it is better to see them and have no regrets, rather then returning to Japan after the summer vacation wishing that I have went to see them. I decided to take her advice.
So like always, things took a turn for the better. After six months of a rollercoaster ride, the rollercoaster finally stop and I could finally go and fetch myself an ice cream that I have been longing to eat by the beach. But there are still three weeks before the holiday. Anything could happen between now and then.
Coming Up Next Month
Oh my god, can you believe it? It's already November and soon this year will come to an end. Time does fly. To come to think of it, it's been a rollercoaster journey for me this year. Upon turning 20 this year's March, I started writing Turning 2.0 which was initially supposed to be one time gig only with season 1. But after 4 chapters in Season 1, I realized 4 chapters ain't enough to sum up my life. Thus I came back with Season 2 which had five chapters including this one which is the season finale. And....it's still not enough to sum up my colorful (perhaps too colorful) life.
And so...we're going to have Season 3. Which have two parts...part I and part II. Part 1 will deal with my trip back to Malaysia in August and all that happened then...while Part 2 will conclude Turning 2.0 with a glance at what happened when I returned to Japan at the end of September and how things may work out from here and now. Season 3 will have about 9 chapters with the first blog to be posted around early December and the last post right before my return to Kuching next year. Can't wait to kick off Season 3. In the meantime, I will be posting about my daily life as a university student.
I found out that I have this new father that I never knew existed before. And then I anticipated my university result..
“The truth can become a lie in a matter of seconds. When that happens and your whole world comes crashing down, what do you do? Do you accept the new truth and try and adjust your life to the new information that you just found out? Or do you simply discard the new piece of information and pretend like nothing ever happened? Either way, life will never be the same again”
26th of July 2007, Hiyoshi, Japan
University life started two months ago. To be honest with you, things have not been working out fine for me. After finding out about my biological father, I didn’t have much time to think about him. The day after that phone conversation with my mum, the university result came out and I was accepted into Keio University, what was supposed to be the best private university in Japan. Despite the magnitude of the event, I wasn’t all that happy with it. In spite of recent events, I guessed the happiness was balanced by the sadness. Hence, I feel nothing. But yeah, after the result came out, I started to tutor English to earn some extra cash. So two months before entering university, I kept myself busy by watching TV shows and tutoring English as well as with the university entrance procedures.
Even when I have time to think about my father, I came to the conclusion that it was a good thing. Now, instead of having to explain what my second father has been up to since the divorce, I can just say that my father died when I was three and my mum remarried to a Muslim. Hence, the name is Nazaruddin Abdullah. I also successfully manage to make full use of the story and used it as a material for a speech competition which I came in second place. So everything seemed great. Note the word seemed.
The problem that I thought was solved was merely neglected. And it came back to haunt me during the first few months of university. Being frustrated with the language barrier and stuff, I began to lose all interest in going to class. Instead I chose to stay home and feel sorry for myself all day. Every day I wake up promising myself that today was the day I was going to change but by the time the day came to an end, I was back to my old self. I even took a week off in May, which wasn’t recognized by the school, thus it meant that I skipped classes and would be penalized for it. I took the week off in hopes of finding a way to end this Great Depression but it didn’t work. Instead, it caused me to drown even more. So much for trying to apply the Keynes theory into my private life.
Surprisingly enough, once again friends came to the rescue. And this time, they were all new friends. There were these girls that are from China (as it turned out some of them are human droids but with hearts and compassion) that were so nice to me. They would talk to me and befriend me and in return, I helped one of them out with English. And then there were these Japanese friends who were different from the normal Japanese. They were able to think outside the wavelength of normal Japanese. Days passed by and I was slowly enjoying myself. Soon, I was back to my old self again. I look forward to going to classes.
But no actions come unpunished. Because of my absence from a few classes, I needed to explain to the teachers why I couldn’t turn up to class. That was when I scratched my head and came up with the idea of seeing the school shrink. Perhaps if I were to tell her my problems, she would kindly tell my teachers that I have some illness. Laugh out loud. I went to see her because of two reasons. First, I needed an excuse and second, the school fee covered these expenses as well. But never have I thought that seeing her would have actually helped me in any way. And it did.
I began to tell her about my situation and she listened. The one dilemma that I have left was whether or not I should rekindle with my biological father’s family or not. It was the dilemma of simply living the live I have now or trying to revive a life that I never had. The one advice that she offered me was when I go to Malaysia for the summer vacation which would start in less than three weeks time, I should just go and see them. She said it best when she said that it is better to see them and have no regrets, rather then returning to Japan after the summer vacation wishing that I have went to see them. I decided to take her advice.
So like always, things took a turn for the better. After six months of a rollercoaster ride, the rollercoaster finally stop and I could finally go and fetch myself an ice cream that I have been longing to eat by the beach. But there are still three weeks before the holiday. Anything could happen between now and then.
Coming Up Next Month
Oh my god, can you believe it? It's already November and soon this year will come to an end. Time does fly. To come to think of it, it's been a rollercoaster journey for me this year. Upon turning 20 this year's March, I started writing Turning 2.0 which was initially supposed to be one time gig only with season 1. But after 4 chapters in Season 1, I realized 4 chapters ain't enough to sum up my life. Thus I came back with Season 2 which had five chapters including this one which is the season finale. And....it's still not enough to sum up my colorful (perhaps too colorful) life.
And so...we're going to have Season 3. Which have two parts...part I and part II. Part 1 will deal with my trip back to Malaysia in August and all that happened then...while Part 2 will conclude Turning 2.0 with a glance at what happened when I returned to Japan at the end of September and how things may work out from here and now. Season 3 will have about 9 chapters with the first blog to be posted around early December and the last post right before my return to Kuching next year. Can't wait to kick off Season 3. In the meantime, I will be posting about my daily life as a university student.
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